Épisode Carnaval d'hiver et réconciliations S06E12 - Gilmore Girls Saison 6

LORELAI'S HOUSE - BEDROOM

[Luke and Lorelai are asleep in bed. Suddenly the church bells start ringing loudly. They sit up, surprised but groggy.]

LORELAI: Oh my God!

LUKE: What is that?

LORELAI: What is it? Is it in the house?

LUKE: It's church bells!

LORELAI: Where, how'd the church bells get in the house?

LUKE: They're outside.

LORELAI: In the yard?

LUKE: No, at the church! What time is it?

LORELAI: It's three twelve. Why are the church bells ringing at three twelve?

LUKE: I was having a dream, too. I was shopping for a car and I wanted to see the trunk space, because I have a truck, and it's convenient to haul things, so I wanted to see what the deal with the car was, and the salesman opened it. I asked him how many cubic feet it was and he looked it up in the manual. And I was satisfied so when he closed the hood the bells rang.

LORELAI: You have very mundane dreams.

[Someone yells something in the street. Lorelai gasps.]

LORELAI: What is that?

LUKE: Some dead guy yelling something.

LORELAI: Ghosts are yelling something outside the house?

LUKE: No. Some guys I'm going to kill are yelling stuff outside the house.

[The person yells again.]

LORELAI: What are they saying?

LUKE: There was a clown beating?

LORELAI: Not again.

[The person yells more clearly. It sounds like Kirk.]

KIRK [OS]: Town meeting!

LUKE: No, they're saying 'town meeting'.

LORELAI: Town meeting, at this hour?

LUKE: What the hell is Taylor up to?

LORELAI: All right, let's get ready to go.

LUKE [at the same time]: Let's go back to sleep.

LUKE and LORELAI [in unison]: What?

LUKE: I'm going back to sleep!

LORELAI [at the same time]: I don't want to go back to sleep! Come on! It's a town meeting!

LUKE: It's the middle of the night.

LORELAI: Oh, sorry. We might miss something. [She yanks his arm.]

 

MISS PATTY'S DANCE STUDIO

[The town has gathered, yawning and dressed mostly in pajamas. Luke and Lorelai enter.]

LUKE: Oh, good. A full house. Just goes to show how easily manipulated we all are. You ring a bell, we drool like dogs.

LORELAI: Just don't drool where we sit or it'll be messy. [They sit down.]

BABETTE: Hey, you guys hear the bells?

LUKE: No, we were just on one of our spontaneous three-in-the-morning strolls, saw everybody in here and wondered, hey, what's up?

BABETTE: Really?

LUKE: No!

BABETTE: He's cranky at three in the morning.

LORELAI [nods]: Any idea what this is about?

BABETTE: No, Taylor's not even here yet! Kirk's up there fussing with something but he won't tell us what's going on.

[Kirk sets a computer monitor in front of Taylor's podium.]

KIRK: We're just about ready, here, folks.

LUKE: Ready for what? What is this?

KIRK: Here we go. [He turns the monitor on. Taylor appears on the screen.]

TAYLOR: Greetings, everyone.

LORELAI [delighted]: Taylor?

BABETTE: He's in the little box!

LUKE: And the nightmare continues.

TAYLOR: Is it looking okay, Kirk?

KIRK: Yeah, you could use a little pancake.

MISS PATTY: Weird, I can still smell his cologne.

TAYLOR: People, we have a tremendous problem that needs our immediate attention. That's why I chose the extraordinary step of broadcasting to you tonight from this remote location. [Something hits him on the head.] Ow!

LUKE: What was that?

LORELAI: Looked like a ping-pong ball.

TAYLOR: Now, as we all know, the annual Stars Hollow Winter Carnival is this weekend. [He is hit in the head again by something.] Ow! Timmy, do not throw ping-pong balls at me!

TIMMY [OS]: You're a doo-doo head!

TAYLOR: And do not call me a doo-doo head! I'm in the middle of something important!

LUKE: Where the hell are you, Taylor?

TAYLOR: I'm at my sister's in Maine. Anyway, we have never not had a Stars Hollow Winter Carnival. It's a hundred and twenty five year tradition!

LORELAI: Is he getting to the point soon?

BABETTE: Yeah, come on, doo-doo head.

TAYLOR: Fine. Let's cut to the chase. I run the Winter Carnival, it's this weekend, and I am snowed in. Unable to get back in to town.

[They all stare blankly.]

MISS PATTY: So what's this about, Taylor?

TAYLOR [rolls his eyes]: Maybe it's the lateness of the hour, or the computer connection isn't clear -

TIMMY [OS, throws another ping-pong ball]: Doo-doo head!

TAYLOR: - we have never had to cancel a carnival, and it's absolutely impossible for me to get back into town to run it!

[Luke yawns.]

BABETTE: I must be tired. I'm not getting this.

MISS PATTY: It's like a riddle or something.

TAYLOR: People, are you not hearing me? I won't be there to run the carnival! Draw the obvious conclusion!

MISS PATTY: Oh, okay, I got it now.

TAYLOR: Thank you, Patty!

MISS PATTY: Kirk, could you take it over?

KIRK: Sure.

MISS PATTY: Great. Anything else, Taylor?

TAYLOR: Oh. Well, good for you people. I guess we don't have to cancel it after all.

LORELAI [brightly]: Thanks, Taylor!

[Everyone gets up and starts to file out.]

LORELAI [to Luke]: Come on, let's get you to bed.

LUKE: I'm going to fall back asleep and dream about running Taylor over in that car I was looking at.

LORELAI: Oh, is there enough room to put his body in the trunk?

[Luke nods. Taylor continues to call out orders as people leave. No one is listening.]

TAYLOR: Now, then, I would recommend that we immediately start discussing some details. The sooner the better is always best. Now, then: food. We'll obviously have the carnival staples, French dip sandwiches, corn on the cob, apple cider, etc. Now we almost ran out of hot chocolate last year so I would recommend upping the supply by eleven percent. [The studio is empty.] Timmy, put down that Rubik's cube! Timmy! Do not throw that Rubik's cube at me!

 

OPENING CREDITS

LUKE'S DINER

[Luke is refilling mugs.]

LUKE [drowsily]: Here. Here. Here.

MAN: This was tea!

LUKE: Now you got a hybrid, that's very in right now. [He walks over to Lorelai's table.]

LORELAI: I have gotten so much done this morning, it's scary.

LUKE [grabs a mug from another table]: Coffee?

LORELAI: I already got some. I saw the sunrise. I paid all my bills. [He begins pouring her another cup of coffee.] I already got some, hon. And, this is a first, I saw the very beginning of Katie Couric. I don't think I've seen the first five minutes of her in my life! You know, she and Matt Lauer are much more serious in the first half hour than they are later on. I guess that makes sense. You can afford to make people sad and angry about war and the economy and stuff when they first wake up, but then, just as they're heading to the office, you leave them with a dose of Matthew McConaughey, People's sexiest man and whoosh, they're raring to go.

LUKE [yawns]: Yeah. Matthew McConaughey always gets me rarin'.

[Kirk, outside, yells at a passing truck carrying carnival supplies, directing it where to go.]

LORELAI: And I'm even volunteering to man a booth at the carnival this year. I've got a great concept too. What about you, you got anything special planned today?

LUKE: Today? No, not today. It's a bunch of the same old, same old errands. The usual.

MAN: Not liking my hybrid!

LUKE: Coming. [He leans down and kisses Lorelai.] I'll call you later.

LORELAI [points at the two cups of coffee]: See what you did here?

LUKE: Heh, sorry. [He picks them up and walks into the kitchen.]

LORELAI: No, wait, I want the one I had already - oh, well. Okay.

 

RORY'S APARMENT - STAIRWELL

[Rory reaches the top of the stairs and rounds the corner. She sighs when she sees the bouquet of roses outside her door. She picks them up, unlocks the door and goes inside. The apartment is full of flowers already. Paris glances back from her craft table and sees her entering.]

PARIS: Oh, terrific Bring them on in, Algernon. The more, the merrier.

RORY: It's Logan's doing, what can I do?

PARIS: Tell him to stop!

RORY: We're not speaking, remember?

PARIS: Well, they're putting our lives in jeopardy.

RORY: Oh, stop it.

PARIS: They scream bling! Draw eyes to the apartment. Bad guys see roses, then they come for our diamonds.

RORY: We don't have diamonds.

PARIS: The doo-wop group doesn't know that. [Rory sets the flowers down on the window sill.] Yeah! By the window's good! Next to the neon sign that says 'Come pistol-whip us'!

RORY: Fine, I'll hide them. [She puts them on the floor.]

PARIS: You know, I see Logan at the paper a few times a week. I can lean on him. Make him stop.

RORY: He's going to get the message eventually.

PARIS: Well, he'd better get it quick. Between the paper and classes I'm only home a few hours a day and I'd rather not spend them in mortal fear.

[There is a knock at the door. Paris jumps around the corner with her back against the wall.]

RORY: Paris!

PARIS: Yeah?

MAN [outside the door]: UPS. I've got a package for Rory Gilmore?

PARIS: From?

MAN [OS]: Harry and David.

PARIS: Great. Fancy fruit.

RORY: Sorry.

PARIS [through the door]: Step back from the door and keep your hands where I can see them.

[She unlocks the door.]

 

PARK

[It is very frosty and looks cold. A few kids are playing on the playground equipment. April sits on a bench with her bike leaned up against the trash can. Luke walks up to her.]

LUKE: Surprise.

APRIL: Was this not a planned thing?

LUKE: Why?

APRIL: You said 'surprise'.

LUKE: No. It was just, uh, how are you doing?

[He reaches out and shakes her hand.]

APRIL: Good. [She looks at their joined hands.] This is how the avian flu spreads, by the way.

LUKE [lets go]: Oh, sorry!

APRIL: I was just saying.

LUKE: No, I heard that, too. Heard a guy on CNN say it.

APRIL: Right. They fired my favorite. Aaron Brown? He was comforting.

LUKE: Yes. He was. Mind if I sit?

APRIL: No, go ahead.

[He sits. They look around for a few moments.]

APRIL: So, do you like to hang out here?

LUKE: The park? No.

APRIL: Then why are we meeting here?

LUKE: I thought kids like parks.

APRIL: It's forty one degrees out, not exactly peak park-going season.

LUKE: But there's still stuff to do, right? I mean, we could have a snowball fight or something.

APRIL: My friend Remy got into a snowball fight with a guy once, and she got her retina detached.

LUKE: Well, we'll skip that, then. Uh - [He looks at her helplessly] - sorry, I'll think of something better to do next time. Okay? I don't really know what kids are into.

APRIL: Hey, whatever.

LUKE: Oh, and I said next time. I don't know if you caught that.

APRIL: I did.

LUKE: Did your mom explain that this isn't necessarily a one-time thing? I was thinking maybe we could make it semi-regular or even just, you know, regular.

APRIL: Uh, okay.

LUKE: Good, so, what's your free time like?

APRIL: I've got no school this whole week. It's year-round, so we get weird times off.

LUKE: Well, then, maybe we can do something tomorrow, too. Something less cold.

APRIL [nods, smiling]: Okay.

LUKE: So, what kind of things do you like to do?

APRIL: I like Morse code. I'm learning that. My mom gave me a putter, so I putt some. And I like talking to my Indian friend Shameela in Bangalore over the internet.

LUKE: I wouldn't be much help with any of that. [He chuckles.] We could bowl. Or go to a movie, or, uh, maybe there's a zoo around somewhere.

APRIL: How about I just come and hang out at the diner?

LUKE: What diner? My diner?

APRIL: Yeah!

LUKE: Won't it be boring?

APRIL: No way. Diners fascinate me. The hustle, the bustle, the Monte Cristos.

LUKE: Uh, the diner.

APRIL: Yeah. That'd be fun.

LUKE: Can't think of anything else, huh?

APRIL: I think it'd be great.

LUKE [takes a deep breath]: Well, okay. Sure. The diner. Tomorrow you will come to the diner. [He laughs nervously and clears his throat.] So, uh, what do you want to do right now?

APRIL: I've been counting how many times those Frisbee guys over there have dropped it.

LUKE: Uh, okay. Let's keep watching.

APRIL: The one with the hat's a big, fat butterfingers.

[Luke laughs,]

 

DRAGONFLY INN - LIBRARY

[Lorelai is signing papers an employee is holding for her while talking to Kirk.]

LORELAI: Kirk, you needed Carnival game volunteers and I volunteered. What's with the hassle?

KIRK: Well, we do things like ring toss and rope ladder climbing. Your choice is unorthodox.

LORELAI: That's because I'm not orthodox. I'm liberal with a touch of reform and a smidgen of zippity-pow! [She waves her arm wildly. The employee with the papers leaves.]

KIRK: You're aware that this is the first time I'm running the Carnival.

LORELAI: I am aware.

KIRK: I can't afford to have anything go wrong.

LORELAI: Kirk! I promise! This booth will be a big hit. I will not embarrass you, okay? I promise.

KIRK: Your promise means nothing to me. You break them all the time.

LORELAI [gasps indignantly]: I do not!

KIRK: 1997, you promised to bring me back a souvenir pen and ink set from your trip to Colonial Williamsburg.

LORELAI: I - I did?

KIRK: 1999, you promised to put in a good word for me at Al's Pancake World when Al had that batter boy opening.

LORELAI [giggles]: He calls them batter boys?

KIRK: Year 2000, you promised to teach me to swim. I still don't know how to swim. What if there's a tsunami?

LORELAI: Well -

KIRK: 2001, you promised to come to my birthday party and I waited and waited -

LORELAI: Kirk, Kirk, scout's honor, this booth will make you proud, okay? Now - [she notices a man waiting at the front desk] - Excuse me. Hi, are you Liam Dreeson, by any chance?

LIAM: I am.

LORELAI: Hi, Lorelai Gilmore. I'm here to make your stay and the rest of the New England Maple Syrup Council's stay as comfortable as possible.

LIAM: So far, so good. Love the local color here.

[Kirk is standing next to Lorelai staring at Liam.]

LORELAI: Uh, Kirk, it's really not appropriate for you to be standing right next to me like this.

KIRK: But we work together.

LORELAI: But not here.

KIRK: Liam, can I ask you a question?

LORELAI: No, that's inappropriate too, to ask him a question -

KIRK [interrupting]: Would you pay a dollar to have your fortune told by a dog?

LIAM: A dog?

LORELAI: It's for a carnival. It's very cute.

KIRK: A dog that has no previous experience telling people's fortunes.

LIAM: I don't know.

KIRK: Well, you're no help.

[He walks away.]

LORELAI [apologetically]: Well, just part of our local color. He's purple. [She laughs.] Get it, 'cause local color, and he’s a color. And how about a tour?

LIAM: Sure.

 

YALE DAILY NEWS ROOM

[Paris paces the news room, supervising the staff. She peeks over a girl’s shoulder at her computer monitor.]

PARIS [disdainfully]: That’s what we got?

GIRL: Yeah.

PARIS: It’s posed. Staged. Get another and make it candid.

GIRL: Candid?

PARIS [walking away]: Don’t question me.

GIRL [protesting to her neighbor]: It’s a team photo!

PARIS: Bill. How’s it hanging?

BILL: It’s hanging okay.

PARIS: Good, good. You like the Washington Post, do you?

BILL: Yes.

PARIS: Because they like to split their infinitives at the Washington Post. Especially their metro writers. But I don’t.

BILL: I’m not seeing –

PARIS [reading]: The council member chose to forcefully waive her right of veto!

BILL [deleting]: Consider it un-split.

[She walks over to the desk of another girl who is typing a story. She looks at her work, then shoves her aside and takes over. She straightens up, satisfied. She notices Rory putting on her jacket.]

PARIS: Hey. You check in?

RORY: Check in?

PARIS: The board. The new system? This is the best way for me to know where anyone is at any given time. [She walks with Rory over to the board.] All the names are on the left. Each colored magnet represents an activity. If you’re out on assignment, it’s a red magnet. If you’re in the john, it’s a blue magnet. If you’re at home, a purple magnet. If you’re at your desk, it’s a green magnet.

RORY: But if they’re at their desk you can just glance over and see that they’re at their desks.

PARIS: But I’d have to glance all around. This saves extraneous glancing. [She lowers her voice.] Look. It’s not really for people like you. I know you’re dedicated. I trust you. But I can’t appear to be playing favorites.

RORY: I have a class.

PARIS: Orange magnet.

[Rory sighs and places an orange magnet next to her name. She leaves. Paris nods and looks proudly at the board. Out in the hall, Rory walks into a coffee cart.]

RORY: Excuse me.

COFFEE GUY: You’re Rory Gilmore?

RORY: Yes.

COFFEE GUY: Someone pointed you out to me. This is for you.

RORY: What is?

COFFEE GUY: The coffee cart.

RORY: For me?

COFFEE GUY: Courtesy of Logan Huntzberger.

RORY [annoyed]: Oh, I see. Well, I don’t want any coffee right now, thanks anyway. I’m sorry you wasted your time, Ben. [She walks off.]

BEN [following her]: No problem.

RORY: What are you doing?

BEN: I’m hired for the day.

RORY: What?

BEN: Yep. All day. Any time you want some coffee, biscotti, I will be here.

RORY: That’s not necessary.

BEN: I’ve already been paid. A lot!

RORY [sighs]: Fine.

[She walks to her class, allowing him to follow her.]

 

ANNA’S HOUSE

[Anna calls into the other room.]

ANNA: Kiddo, is that the TV?

APRIL [OS]: Yes!

ANNA: You watching something stupid?

APRIL [OS]: Yes!

ANNA: You promise?

APRIL [OS]: Yes.

ANNA [chuckles]: Okay. [The phone rings. She grabs it.] Hello?

LUKE: Hi, Anna. It’s Luke.

ANNA: Hey there! So, she came back with all her fingers and toes. Very successful first outing.

LUKE: Yeah, it was nice. It was real nice.

ANNA: She had a good time, too. And that’s impressive, ‘cause she’s picky.

LUKE: Good, well, so did I.

ANNA: So. She’s coming by your work tomorrow?

LUKE: Oh, she told you that, huh? Uh, well, listen, here’s the thing. I don’t know if it’s going to work out for her to come to the diner.

ANNA: Why not?

LUKE: Well, it’s going to be really hectic, lots of people swooshing around and all.

ANNA: She’ll like that. She likes people swooshing around her.

LUKE: Pans of hot grease –

ANNA: There’ll be pans of hot grease swooshing around her?

LUKE: In the kitchen, yeah.

ANNA: Well, keep her out of the kitchen if there’s any grease swooshing. I mean, that doesn’t sound safe for you either.

LUKE: I don’t even know how much time I can give her.

ANNA: No problem. She’s very low maintenance. Just set her up at a table and she’ll be fine.

LUKE: If there’s a table. Because some of the tables are reserved. I’ve got my regulars, you know. They want their tables. So there may not be room.

ANNA: She’s little. You’ll find room.

LUKE: You know, Anna, actually, I don’t know if, uh, tomorrow is going to be good at all, for anything. I didn’t realize how busy I was, and factor in all the people swooshing and the grease swooshing –

ANNA: Luke, no.

LUKE: No what?

ANNA: It doesn’t work that way.

LUKE: What do you mean?

ANNA: Look, I don’t know what the problem is here.

LUKE: What are you talking about?

ANNA: You say you’re available one minute, then the next minute you’re not?

LUKE: I told you, I was –

ANNA: It’s not cool, Luke! It’s not happening this way.

LUKE: What way? It’s just a bad time.

ANNA: There’s no great time to be a parent, Luke. You just are one. And if you’re going to make plans with my kid and get her hopes up and then cancel, then our deal is cancelled.

LUKE: Anna, no!

ANNA: Yes. That’s it. That’s what works. You’re either all in or all out. We didn’t ask for this, you did. You wanted contact. A relationship. And now –

LUKE: Okay, okay! I hear you! Have her come to the diner tomorrow.

ANNA: You’re sure.

LUKE: I’m sure. I was just over thinking all of this. I’ll see her tomorrow.

ANNA: Okay. She will be there.

LUKE: Good. Thanks. It’ll be good.

ANNA [sternly]: It better be. Bye, Luke. [She hangs up.]

LUKE: Bye.

 

RICH MAN’S SHOE

[About ten senior staffers from the Yale Daily News are sitting together. Rory enters.]

A. K.: She’s starting to go through trash cans. It’s creepy.

BILL: That’s a privacy violation, for God’s sake.

SHEILA: What’s she looking for?

A.K. [sees Rory, warning the others]: Uh, bup, bup, bup, bup.

RORY: Hi guys.

A.K. [casually]: Hey, Rory.

RORY: I interrupt something?

A.K.: No, nothing much. Just hanging.

RORY: What’s going on?

A.K.: Nothing. Just, uh, enjoying a tipple.

RORY: So all the senior staffers from the Yale Daily News are simultaneously enjoying a tipple?

JONI: Tell her.

A.K.: No!

JONI: Tell her!

RORY: Tell me what?

A.K.: This is a war count.

RORY: About what?

BILL: About Kaiser Gellar and her reign of terror.

SHEILA: The paper’s going to crap.

JONI: It’s unreadable.

BILL: She re-writes your stuff, then re-writes her re-writes.

JONI: And to add insult to injury, the copy gets worse every time.

SHEILA: She used to be good, right? Wasn’t Paris good at one point?

A.K.: Before she was editor.

BILL: Now she’s Augusto Pinochet in a pantsuit.

SHEILA: Yeah, what’s up with those pantsuits?

JONI: We’re seriously considering Howell Raines-ing her.

RORY: You want to force her out?

A.K.: She’s out of control!

RORY: And you have the authority?

SHEILA: We’re the board.

BILL: And the board has the authority.

RORY: I’m a senior staffer too. Why wasn’t I asked to be here tonight?

BILL: You’re in Paris’ pocket.

RORY: I am not in Paris’ pocket.

JONI: You’re friends.

SHEILA: Best friends, right? That’s what Paris is always saying.

JONI: You guys live together. It didn’t seem appropriate.

RORY: Okay! Let me set the record straight. I am devoted to the paper, okay? Personal feelings cannot get in the way of things. Paris and I are not best friends. We’re friends, for the most part. And I’m not immune to being driven crazy by her. Believe me.

JONI: Oh, we believe you.

SHEILA: I’m getting crow’s feet. I’m sorry, but Paris Gellar is not going to give me crow’s feet.

A.K.: So, you do acknowledge a problem here?

RORY: I just did, A.K. Where’s the trust, dude?

A.K.: We just want to do this right.

RORY: Well then let’s talk. And maybe set the Howell Raines-ing aside for now. Let’s see if we can fix things before we blow them up.

A.K.: Fine. Sit.

BILL: But allow us our cathartic purging.

RORY: Purge away. [Ben, the coffee guy, clears his throat.] Oh, but first, would anyone like a refreshing coffee beverage? I have Ben ‘till nine.

A.K.: I’ll have a decaf latte.

BILL: Same here.

JONI: Can he do a mocha latte?

RORY: He does a great mocha latte.

SHEILA: Ooh, I’ll have a mocha latte.

JONI: I’ll have one too.

STARS HOLLOW STREET

[Lorelai is walking along, reading some papers. She runs directly into a man wearing a hood and sunglasses.]

LORELAI: Oh, sorry! [She looks at him.] Taylor!

TAYLOR [pulls the hood closer to his face]: Shh!

LORELAI: What are you doing back? I thought you were stranded at your sister's!

TAYLOR: Lorelai, please! [He grabs her arms and pushes her back toward the wall.]

LORELAI: Weird time for line dancing.

TAYLOR: Fine. Okay, I'm back. I got lucky last night and caught a plane out of Maine.

LORELAI: Even with the rain in Spain?

TAYLOR: Will you be serious for a second?

LORELAI: What's with the sweats?

TAYLOR: I'm incognito! Don't you see? With the Carnival coming up, this is my Huckleberry Finn opportunity to observe things invisibly. You know, I'm not going to be around forever, Lorelai.

LORELAI [concerned]: Oh, Taylor, are you sick?

TAYLOR: No, just mortal. And eventually someone, maybe Kirk, is going to have to take over the many delicate tasks I perform for this town. The street lamp illumination monitoring, the lawn height measuring -

LORELAI: Now I'm just getting sad.

TAYLOR: Please keep my secret, hm?

LORELAI: Mum's the word!

TAYLOR: Well, I should go.

LORELAI: Back to 8 Mile?

TAYLOR: What?

LORELAI: Nothing. Oh, behind you.

[He pulls his hood closer to his face and leaves. Lorelai smiles and keeps walking.]

 

TOWN SQUARE

[Booths are being set up for the carnival. Zach is moving milk crates.]

LORELAI: Hey, Zach! You helping out?

ZACH: Got to keep body and soul together.

LORELAI: Well, this is space eighteen and that's my booth, so we're a team!

ZACH [grumbles]: We should get uniforms.

LORELAI: You okay?

ZACH: Yeah, I'm great. I lost my girlfriend. My band's broken up. My best friend won't speak to me and I'm reduced to working as a five dollar an hour carnie. Bob Dylan should write a song about me.

LORELAI: I'm sorry about you and Lane.

ZACH: Yeah, well.

LORELAI: But you'll get through this rough patch and life will move on. Trust me. It's human nature to move on!

ZACH: What?

LORELAI: What, what?

ZACH: Are you saying Lane's moved on?

LORELAI: No!

ZACH: Have you seen her with someone else?

LORELAI: No, no, no! I'm just saying people have the ability to move on!

ZACH [presses his hands to his face]: Oh my God. God, God! I gotta go take a break. [He walks away.]

LORELAI: Kay. Hope I cheered you up some.

[She looks over and notices the sign for the booth next to hers - Tarot Card Readings. She gasps. Kirk approaches.]

LORELAI: Kirk, Kirk!

KIRK: Yes, Lorelai.

LORELAI: Why are you putting the exact same booth right next to my booth?

KIRK: Well, frankly I have my doubts about your dog's ability to predict the future.

LORELAI: You have your doubts?

KIRK: Yes. And in order to satisfy our guests, I'm hedging our bets by putting the real thing next door so that no one walks away bamboozled.

LORELAI: Kirk, there is no real thing! It's all fake! Those tarot cards are not real, my dog cannot predict the future.

KIRK: So you admit it!

LORELAI: I was never hiding it!

KIRK: That's fraud.

LORELAI: It's a Doggy Swami.

KIRK: My girlfriend says tarot cards are real.

LORELAI: Well, I like your girlfriend, but the cards are no more real than my dog. [Her cell phone rings.] Okay, look, I've got to take this. But I would like it if you would move the - [He has walked away.] Kirk! Kirk!

LUKE [on the phone]: No, it's me.

LORELAI: No, I know it's you. I just was getting frustrated with Kirk.

[Scene cuts between Lorelai and Luke at the diner.]

LUKE: What else is new? So, um, I was wondering what your time was like today.

LORELAI: My time?

LUKE: Because there's something I need to run past you.

LORELAI: Oh, I have a minute now.

LUKE: I'd like to discuss it in person.

LORELAI: Oh, could it wait till tonight, 'cause I have the syrup council in town, and they've got a conference and a meal, and Josh is out sick, and Jamie's out sick, and I just barely got away to come here and get in an argument with Kirk about what's more legitimate, tarot cards or a fortune telling dog.

LUKE: So you're not coming by the diner?

LORELAI: Not today, but I'm totally yours tonight, is that okay?

LUKE: Uh, sure. So you definitely won't be coming by the diner today?

LORELAI: Not today, sorry.

LUKE: No, it's okay. Just, if you were coming by I wanted to know and now I know you're not.

LORELAI: Right.

LUKE: Okay. So, give Kirk hell and I guess I'll see you tonight.

LORELAI: Okay, see you tonight.

[She hangs up. Zach walks by again.]

LORELAI: Hey, Zach, did you see where Kirk went?

ZACH: That-away.

[She goes. Zach sees Mrs. Kim talking to a good-looking young Korean man.]

MRS. KIM: We will be right there when the carnival begins. Six o'clock sharp.

JOE: Wonderful. Well, uh, keep warm and tell Lane I'll see her later?

MRS. KIM [nods, smiling]: All right. Bye, now.

[The man leaves. Zach looks defeated.]

 

LUKE'S DINER

[Luke picks up some money off a table. He glances outside and sees April taking off her bike helmet and talking to the mailman. He rushes out.]

LUKE: April.

APRIL: Hi, Luke.

LUKE: Get in here.

APRIL [to the mailman]: Bye, now.

[She comes in. Luke puts his hands on her shoulders.]

LUKE: What are you doing talking to him?

APRIL: He asked about my bike.

LUKE: You don't talk to him. You don't know him. He could be a strangler.

APRIL: He seemed to know you.

LUKE: Yeah, of course. That's Jake, I've known him fifteen years.

APRIL: You've known a strangler for fifteen years.

LUKE: He's not a strangler.

APRIL: Then why can't I talk to him?

LUKE: Because you didn't know that. Don't trust anyone, okay? Anyone.

APRIL [sets her helmet on the counter]: Okay. Then I should go lock my bike.

LUKE: No, you don't have to lock it.

APRIL: You just said I can't trust anyone.

LUKE: You don't have to lock your bike. This is a safe town.

APRIL: Well, I'm confused.

LUKE [spreads his arms to display the diner]: So, here it is!

APRIL: I know. We met here.

LUKE: Right. Right. Uh, so. What do you want to do? Sit and color?

APRIL [amused]: Color. Wow. I haven't colored in six or seven years. But that takes me back. Coloring. Wow.

LUKE [rolls his eyes]: Okay, so you don't color. Did you bring a book?

APRIL: I don't really feel like reading.

LUKE: Well, I don't really have any toys or anything.

APRIL: Your salt and pepper shakers look a little low.

LUKE: Yes, they are. People salt stuff too much.

APRIL: Can I refill them?

LUKE: You want to refill the salt shakers?

APRIL: And the pepper. And possibly the sugar, we'll see how the salt and pepper goes.

LUKE: Oh, well, okay. Uh, refill the salt and pepper. Whatever. I'll get the boxes.

APRIL: Great.

LUKE: Great.

[He goes behind the counter. April sits on a stool. Luke laughs strangely and goes in the back.]

APRIL [chuckles]: Coloring.

 

DRAGONFLY INN - DINING ROOM

[The Syrup Council are sitting at the tables, which are covered in numbered espresso cups filled with different kinds of syrup. They are tasting them. Liam is standing.]

LIAM: Well, it may surprise some of you, but that's the syrup derived from a black maple. Yes, it's sweeter than the first two, but it's a natural sweetness, with a hint of orange. Very unusual, and very good. Let's move on to number four, shall we? Number four is another little surprise.

[Sookie and Lorelai are standing in the doorway, watching them.]

LORELAI: Ugh, gives my skin that weird tingly feel, like something's bubbling underneath it.

SOOKIE: It makes the root of my tongue feel like it's retracting back into my throat.

[The Syrup Council simultaneously smells the syrup.]

LORELAI: Why don't they pour it on something? A waffle, a pancake!

LIAM: So let's go ahead and taste number four, shall we? Then we'll talk.

LORELAI: Ew.

SOOKIE: Ew! Drinking straight syrup!

LORELAI: We don't have to watch this.

SOOKIE: It's hard not to.

LIAM: A bit of a tobacco taste to it. And a bit of marshmallow.

SOOKIE: Oh, good. Now I can't smoke a cigar or eat a marshmallow again.

LORELAI: How does one discover a talent for this?

LIAM: Remember, for anyone who wants one, we have spit buckets.

[A man raises his hand. Liam passes him a bucket.]

SOOKIE: That's it.

LORELAI: See ya. [They leave the doorway, walking in different directions. Lorelai heads toward the front desk, but stops when she sees Logan sitting in the living room.]

LOGAN [sighs]: Hi.

LORELAI [stiffly]: Hello.

LOGAN [stands]: I was going to call you but then I figured you wouldn't take the call.

LORELAI [walks into the living room, arms crossed]: Yeah. You figured right.

LOGAN: I just need a minute.

LORELAI: I can't fathom what a minute of my time is going to do for you.

LOGAN: Just a minute, please. Then I am gone.

LORELAI: Okay.

[They sit down.]

LOGAN: Look, I know I'm not your favorite person in the world.

LORELAI: No, you're definitely low on the list. Right above the guy who thought up smallpox blankets.

LOGAN: Well, in my defense, I think I'm a notch or two higher than that.

LORELAI: You're not exactly in a position to comment on that, are you?

LOGAN: No.

LORELAI: No. In fact, let's take inventory of all the delightful things that have happened since you waltzed into my daughter's life. She was arrested, convicted, she's on probation, she'll have a criminal record unless we can get it expunged, she dropped out of school, moved out of my house, she didn't speak to me for five months, three weeks and sixteen days, no. Wait a minute. Come to think of it, you are my favorite person!

LOGAN: Okay, I can defend myself on one or two of those points as well.

LORELAI: No, you can't! Why are you here?

LOGAN: I miss her, okay? I made a mistake and I'm trying to rectify it but nothing is working. She won't talk to me.

LORELAI: Can you blame her?

LOGAN: No. I'm doing everything I can. Flowers, gifts.

LORELAI: All your old standbys, huh?

LOGAN: Books. Coffee cart. I'm trying to show her how I feel.

LORELAI: And it sounds like she's trying to show you how she feels.

LOGAN: Look. I figured this was a suicide mission, okay? It's probably something you and Rory will laugh about for years to come. But I'm not giving up until I exhaust all my options and asking for your help is one of them?

LORELAI [looks at him cautiously]: Really?

LOGAN: Yes.

LORELAI: You're seriously here to ask for my help with Rory? It's not a joke?

LOGAN: I'm going for broke, here.

LORELAI: Well. [She sighs.] You've got moxie, my friend. I'll give you that.

LOGAN: I think I get it from my dad.

LORELAI: I hate your dad.

LOGAN: Me too. See? We have things in common, you and me. Maybe this isn't so crazy.

[Lorelai stares at him, and smirks slightly.]

 

LUKE'S DINER

[Lorelai enters. She looks behind the counter for Luke, then notices April filling the salt shakers.]

LORELAI: Oh, hi!

APRIL: Hello, there.

LORELAI: Oh, what are you doing?

APRIL: Chores.

LORELAI: Yeah, I see.

APRIL: Are you a strangler?

LORELAI: No, no.

APRIL: Just checking. [Lorelai laughs.] Rice, that's the key. Prevents clumping.

LORELAI: Oh, yeah, I hate clumpy salt.

APRIL: That's universal.

LORELAI: So, uh, who do you belong to? Caesar?

APRIL: Who?

LORELAI: You're not Caesar's?

APRIL: Not according to the lab results.

LORELAI: Well, how'd you land the gig?

APRIL: My father owns the place. The diner, at least. Not sure about the land.

LORELAI: Your father?

[Luke rushes out from the back room, but stops when he sees Lorelai talking to April. Lorelai stares at him, hurt. He lowers his eyes apologetically.]

APRIL: My biological father. Not really sure what to call him, it's kind of new. Not the biological part, that was years ago. I wonder if brown rice would work too? Brown might be more decorative, or it might backfire. People might think there're bugs in the salt. I should put some brown rice in one of the shakers and use it as a control group against the other ones.

LUKE [to Lorelai]: I thought you couldn't get away.

LORELAI: I got away.

APRIL: She said she wasn't a strangler.

LUKE: Uh, you want to go outside and -

LORELAI: Uh-huh. [She walks outside.]

LUKE: April, I'll be right back, okay?

APRIL [nods]: Okay.

 

OUTSIDE

[Lorelai is standing with her arms crossed, staring out at the square. Luke comes out of the diner and stands next to her.]

LORELAI: So she's -

LUKE: Yeah.

LORELAI: Wow.

LUKE: I know.

LORELAI: That's -

LUKE: My daughter.

LORELAI: I don't believe it.

LUKE: I still have trouble believing it.

LORELAI: You have a -

LUKE: Yeah.

LORELAI: Right. And what is she, twelve?

LUKE: Yeah. Twelve.

LORELAI: Twelve years. Twelve years! This is for sure?

LUKE: It's for sure.

LORELAI: When'd you find out?

LUKE: I just found out.

LORELAI: Just? When just? She's in there filling salt shakers! It doesn't feel that new to me!

LUKE: Two months ago.

LORELAI: Two months! That's a hell of a long time to go without telling me!

LUKE: I know, I should have told you.

LORELAI [looks away]: She's cute.

LUKE: Lorelai, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry. It's all just a blur of stuff happening. I mean, she just came into the diner two months ago, no warning, talking about a science fair and how I may be her father and she pulled my hair out and DNA tested it, and then I wanted to forget the whole thing but I went to the fair and found out the truth. And we were at the park and she wanted to come here. And I called you today, wanting a moment to talk about it, but you were busy and so I put it off again and here we are.

LORELAI: Here we are.

LUKE: It's stupid. I'm stupid.

LORELAI: Look, I need to digest this, and you have to get back inside, so, uh, I'm just going to go someplace where I can digest this and we will just talk more later, okay?

LUKE: Sure. Whenever you want.

LORELAI: Okay. [She glances back at the diner.]

LUKE: I'm sorry.

[Lorelai nods slightly, wraps her coat tightly around herself and walks away. Luke goes back inside.]

 

YALE DAILY NEWS ROOM

[Rory enters. Everyone is working quietly, wearing baseball caps with white numbers printed on them.]

RORY: 'What's up with the caps?' she asked, knowing it's probably not good.

JONI: It's Paris. She's having trouble remembering everyone's names. Or as she puts it, she has more important things to do with her brain.

RORY: Oh, geez!

JONI: Plus some of us have confused the issue by having the same first name. The three Johns, the two Marthas. So she's issued numbers!

RORY: Oh, geez!

BILL: Martinet at three o'clock.

[Paris enters.]

PARIS: Nice job on the Beinecke map theft article, number 17.

NUMBER 17: Thanks, Paris.

PARIS: 23 and 80, I need your stuff by five. [She sees Rory.] Ah, Rory. New system. Here's your number. [She hands her a cap.]

RORY: Paris, you know me! I don't need a number, and I'm the only Rory.

PARIS: But you don't want me to play favorites, do you? We talked about this.

RORY: So we all have numbers?

PARIS: Including me. I'm number 1. Don't need a cap for that. If they can't remember the number one, they shouldn't be here.

RORY: Hey, can we talk in a little more private place?

PARIS: Sure. [She calls out.] If you're looking for 1 and 2, we'll be in the hallway!

[Rory shakes her head.]

 

HALLWAY

[Paris turns to face Rory.]

RORY: Paris, the atmosphere here. It's getting a little toxic.

PARIS: What?

RORY: Everyone here is very stressed. The grease board, the hats.

PARIS: I haven't heard any complaints.

RORY: That's because people are afraid to approach you. You re-write everything they do, you don't delegate -

PARIS: That's not true.

RORY: Look. The staff and I had a little talk yesterday. It was very impromptu, I won't get into the hairy details, but it would really help if you could relieve some of the pressure here.

PARIS: They think it's that bad?

RORY: You've taken away the magnets that indicate people are in the bathroom, so now they're afraid to go!

PARIS: Well, they were going too much.

RORY: People are getting very nervous here.

PARIS [nods]: Yeah, I see. I'll go talk to them. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

RORY [pleased]: You're welcome.

[They go back in.]

PARIS [clapping, looking around]: Where's 73 and 32? [They get in line.] People! Rory Gilmore has just informed me of the meeting held behind my back concerning my stewardship of the paper!

RORY [disappointed]: Oh, Paris.

PARIS: Am I tough? You're damn right I'm tough! You think it's going to be any easier entering the work force with every newspaper in the country cutting back on staff? Also, any chance that you'd attempt the same sort of flaccid coup if I were a man? I think not. You're trying to Howell Raines me? Well forget it! Suck it up and get to work, otherwise, there's the door.

[She goes back into her cubicle. People glare at Rory. She puts on her cap and walks to her desk.]

 

RORY'S APARTMENT

[Rory reaches the top of the stairs. Logan is leaning against her door, holding a pastry box.]

LOGAN: I come bearing gifts.

RORY [unfazed]: I have to unlock the door.

LOGAN [holds the box open]: You can't say no to these. I know you. It's biologically impossible.

RORY: Oh yeah? [She works on the locks, turning to glance at the box.] No.

LOGAN: That seems very cumbersome.

RORY: You get used to it.

LOGAN: You get the coffee cart?

RORY: Do you really think we're going to chitchat?

LOGAN: I just wanted to know.

RORY: Yeah. I got it. And the flowers, and the books and the candles and the fruit. What's next on the list? A marching band? A parrot who says 'I'm sorry'? You have to go.

LOGAN: Wait. [He holds up an envelope.]

RORY: What's that, a subpoena?

LOGAN: It's a note from your mother.

RORY: You're kidding.

LOGAN: Check out the handwriting, Dragonfly stationery. [Pause.] Can we get out of the hallway?

[Rory kicks the door twice and opens it, letting him follow her in.]

LOGAN: I went to see her at her inn. We talked a little. It was a tad humiliating. She told me to wait and she came back with this. She said to give it to you.

RORY: What's it say?

LOGAN: I was instructed not to read it. She even signed the seal on the envelope to make sure.

RORY [taking the envelope]: You have no idea what this says.

LOGAN: None.

[Rory opens it and begins to read.]

LOGAN: What's it say?

RORY [frowning]: Sh. [Reading, she smiles slightly.]

LOGAN: What's it say?

RORY: Sh. [She continues to read, then laughs.]

LOGAN [annoyed]: What does it say?

RORY: Sh!

LOGAN: Come on, Ace, you're laughing. Is that good or bad?

RORY [reading further, nods knowingly]: Mm. Yep. Yep. [She laughs again.]

LOGAN: Just give me some indication whether it's good or bad. Something. Anything. [Rory finishes reading and stares at the letter thoughtfully.] Okay, fine. Just tell me, is there anything there about giving me a second chance?

RORY [pondering]: I'd have to reread it.

LOGAN: Please don't do that, Ace. Come on. Come out with me. Let me make it up to you.

RORY: Maybe dinner.

LOGAN: When?

RORY: I'll have to check my schedule.

LOGAN: Check it.

RORY: I can't do it right now!

LOGAN: So...

RORY: I'll call you.

LOGAN: Good enough. Good enough. You promise you'll call.

RORY: Leave the donuts.

[He smiles and leaves. Rory sits down, grabs a donut and reads the letter again.]

 

LORELAI'S HOUSE

[Lorelai is in the kitchen, unloading a bag of takeout. Rory enters the front door.]

RORY [OS]: Margaret! I'm home!

LORELAI: Kitchen!

RORY [OS]: And I come bearing gifts! Laundry galore. Oh, and I've got some candles and some fancy fruit, too. I don't know who Harry and David are, but they sure do know how to grow a pear. [She carries her loads into her bedroom.] Ugh. So, your letter? Oh, my God. It was brilliant! It has got to be anthologized, I'm telling you! And he definitely did not read it because he looked flummoxed. Flummoxed! The whole time I was reading it. And I didn't tell him a thing about it. That's what he gets. So, come on! I want to hear all about his visit with you. [She comes out of the bedroom and sees Lorelai sitting at the table with her head in her hands.] Mom?

LORELAI [looks up]; Luke has a daughter.

RORY: And we'll talk about the letter later. What? [She joins Lorelai at the table.]

LORELAI: He has a twelve-year-old daughter. I met her today. Well, I didn't formally meet her, but I saw her and I talked to her.

RORY: What!

LORELAI: He has a daughter with some woman. We didn't get to that, the big 'who', but he's known for two months.

RORY: Two months!

LORELAI: A daughter.

RORY: A daughter!

LORELAI: What does this say about our relationship?

RORY: What do you mean?

LORELAI: He waited two months to tell me!

RORY: Did he say why he waited?

LORELAI: Yes, he said he was confused, and I get that. I mean, I'm confused! But what does it mean that he kept a secret like this? What does it say about him? What does it say about me? Doesn't he trust me? Why doesn't he trust me?

RORY: He trusts you, Mom. He's a guy. Sometimes guys are really dumb.

LORELAI [looks down]: She's cute.

RORY: She is?

LORELAI: Yeah. She seemed smart like you. What is it with the next generation? You're all smarter than the rest of us.

RORY [frowns]: Not necessarily.

LORELAI: I'm freaking out!

RORY: I don't blame you!

LORELAI: What else is he hiding? I mean, how can you really know that you know somebody?

RORY: I don't think you can. Every relationship is just a big honking leap of faith.

LORELAI: I guess.

RORY: You didn't ask about the mother?

LORELAI: I just kind of ran off! I couldn't wrap my mind around it.

RORY: Well, Luke must be freaked out double what you're freaked out. You know? Mr. Responsibility. He must have put his baseball cap on backwards.

LORELAI: Yeah.

RORY: I'm sure he panicked. I'm sure his not telling you says nothing about your relationship. Maybe this is a cheesy perspective to offer you, but Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale went through the same sort of situation. He found out he had a kid that he didn't know about, but they made it work. As far as I know.

LORELAI: Meaning?

RORY: If they can, you can.

LORELAI: Really?

RORY: They're people. You're people. I mean, you don't sing, and neither does Luke, but really, neither do Gwen or Gavin. But they're still together! I think. I haven't read anything to the contrary.

LORELAI: I guess.

RORY: You and Luke just need to talk some more.

LORELAI: Yeah. Maybe I'll tell Luke about Gwen and Gavin. I mean, if there's any people whose lives Luke would relate to, it's Gwen and Gavin.

[She hands Rory a box of takeout.]

 

TOWN SQUARE

[The square is decked out for the Winter Carnival. People are milling about, walking around the booths. Vendors are calling out to the customers. Kirk is inspecting two young girls' tickets.]

TILLIE: They only cost fifty cents.

MEGAN: Yeah, how lame would it be to go to the trouble of counterfeiting that?

KIRK: No mind games. [After a moment] They're legit.

[The girls walk away rolling their eyes.]

TILLIE: Another con thwarted.

MEGAN: Good job, Columbo.

[They walk past Taylor, in his 'disguise', ordering a hot dog.]

TAYLOR [false German accent]: Guten tag. Eh, I would like a, what you call them, eh, hot dog?

HOT DOG VENDOR: Coming up.

[As the man leans over to get it ready, Taylor inspects the condiments and snoops around.]

HOT DOG VENDOR: Here you go.

TAYLOR: Yah, we are having cold weather this year, nein?

[He laughs and jogs off. The vendor looks at him strangely. We move to the 'Amazing Doggy Swami' booth.]

RORY: It's a smashing concept.

LORELAI: And Kirk was doubtful.

RORY: We've already raked in eighteen dollars.

LORELAI: And the night is young.

RORY: Come on, Doggy Swami, break's over.

[Paul Anka jumps up on the booth wearing a fortune teller's costume.]

LORELAI: He's liking his hat.

RORY: Well, it's very flattering. [Pause.] You know, I can man this myself if you don't feel like being here.

LORELAI: No, it's good for me. Nothing's a better distraction than a dog in a turban telling fortunes.

RORY: It's a cliché for a reason.

LORELAI [chuckles]: Come see the Amazing Doggy Swami! Discover your future!

RORY: If you dare!

LORELAI: It's silly!

RORY: And fun!

LORELAI: And real. Very, very, real!

[The tarot card reader at the next booth glares over at her. We move to Mrs. Kim's booth, which is manned by Lane and Joe, the handsome man from before. There is a large bin surrounded by painted flames. A man approaches.]

LANE: Want to play? It's only a dollar.

MAN: Sure.

[Lane hands him a beanbag. He throws it easily into the fiery pit.]

LANE: Winner, winner! We have a winner!

MAN: Really, that's it?

LANE: That's it! Here's your prize. [She hands him a pamphlet.]

MAN [reading]: Hell is waiting for you, Sinner.

LANE: Enjoy. [He walks away. We can see Zach spying on her and Joe from behind a snack machine.] All right! Who wants to win? Don't be afraid to play, step up and play 'Toss the Sybarite into the Hellfire'! Everybody's a winner!

JOE [chuckles]: I'm going to go take a little walk, check out the competition.

LANE: Just don't let my mother see you play anything too decadent.

JOE: I'll be back in a bit.

[He walks off. Zach follows him from a short distance.]

LANE: Come on, people, step right up! You can't lose, I'm guaranteeing you a victory!

[Zach leads us past Taylor, who is closely examining a plate of food with a magnifying glass. Miss Patty walks by with a friend.]

TAYLOR [false French accent]: Ah, oui, look at all zee games! It is so marvelous zat I am here to, uh, see it! What a great country! J'adore! [He laughs nervously and walks away.]

MISS PATTY: Taylor finally flipped his lid.

[We move to Babette's booth - throwing baseballs at a pyramid of tin bottles.]

BABETTE [to a customer]: Yeah. Poor Morey couldn't make it. I made him drink thirty bottles of coke last night for the game here, so he's still throwing up. And then I ended up not using them. Shame, huh? But I'll tell him you said hi! [She pats the woman's arm and leaves. Joe walks by.] Hey! Want to throw some balls?

JOE: Just don't laugh too hard at me.

BABETTE: Never, never. Come on up here.

[She gives him four balls to throw. Zach steps up beside him.]

ZACH: Give me some balls.

BABETTE: Fresh balls, coming up!

[Joe throws his first ball. The top bottle of the pyramid falls down. Babette claps encouragingly. Zach laughs and throws his ball as hard as he can, knocking down all but 2 bottles.]

ZACH: Yeah!

BABETTE: Watch it, honey. It could bounce off the back and hit the girls manning the dime toss. [Joe throws again.] There you go, you're getting the hang of it!

ZACH: Yeah! Cute little throw!

JOE: Excuse me?

ZACH: Pretty boy says what?

JOE: What?

[Zach throws his second ball, just as hard as the first. He knocks the last two bottles off.]

BABETTE: Geez, Zach, what's with being all Goose Gossage? [He quickly and fiercely throws the rest of his balls at Joe's bottles.] Zach! Those aren't your bottles!

ZACH: Yeah! Yeah! [to Joe] Welcome to the S.H., bitch!

JOE: What's your problem?

ZACH: I don't got a problem, friend. My problem is I've got no more bottles to knock down.

BABETTE: Who do I give the prize to?

ZACH: Give it to Asian George Clooney over here. I'm outey.

[Zach leaves, smug. Joe shakes his head, mystified.]

BABETTE [holding up the prizes]: So, I've got Smurfs and dirty pasta.

[We move to the Cider Booth. Taylor holds a thermometer in a large pot of cider as the vendor has her back to him. The cider vendor turns back to him and he pulls it out, but not quite fast enough.]

CIDER VENDOR: What did you put in there?

TAYLOR [disguised voice]: Nothing, lady.

CIDER VENDOR: You stuck something in the cider.

TAYLOR: I did not! [He loses the accent.] Although if I did, it would be a thermometer, and it might indicate that you're on the border of under-heating your cider.

CIDER VENDOR: Get away from me.

TAYLOR: Gladly.

CIDER VENDOR: Now! Right now!

[Taylor leaves. A man tosses a beanbag at Mrs. Kim's circle of Hellfire. He misses.]

MRS. KIM: Winner!

MAN: But I missed!

MRS. KIM: Everybody's a winner!

[The man takes the pamphlet, shaking his head. Zach approaches.]

ZACH: Mrs. Kim? I need a word with you.

MRS. KIM: I'm busy.

ZACH: You just couldn't wait to put her on the market again, could you?

MRS. KIM: What are you talking about?

ZACH: Who else? Lane! We only broke up a few weeks ago! What, you got her engaged already?

MRS. KIM: Engaged to who?

ZACH: To who? The Korean Brad Pitt guy there - [He points over to Lane and Joe, chatting at the ticket booth.] - with the Italian loafers and super-white teeth! He's hanging all over her.

MRS. KIM [impatiently]: You mean her uncle?

ZACH: What?

MRS. KIM: Joe! He's her uncle.

ZACH: That can't be her uncle, uncles are old.

MRS. KIM: My mother had me, waited long time, then had him! Joe is my brother.

ZACH: Whoa. Okay. Oops.

MRS. KIM: Yes. Oops.

ZACH: But, just to be clear here, she's not hot on her uncle? [Mrs. Kim stares at him.] She's not. Got it. Well, sorry. [He begins to walk away.]

MRS. KIM: Wait! You accuse me of something! [She comes out from behind the booth.] We settle this now!

ZACH [scared]: All right.

MRS. KIM: I am not going to get in your way.

ZACH: O... kay.

[Mrs. Kim nods fiercely and returns to her booth. Zach turns away, baffled. We move back to Lorelai's Doggy Swami booth. Lane steps up.]

LORELAI: Ready?

LANE: Ready!

LORELAI: Spin the wheel!

[Lane spins the wheel. Paul Anka reaches out a paw and stops the wheel at slot number five.]

RORY: The  Swami has chosen!

[Lorelai takes a rolled up piece of paper from number five and unrolls it.]

LORELAI: Ready, this is exciting! [Reading] You will sing songs of gemstones!

LANE: Of gemstones!

RORY: How do you sing songs of gemstones?

LORELAI: Uh, I was a little tired when I wrote this one. Sorry. You want to pick another one? Swami do-overs are allowed.

LANE: No, I'll stick with this one. It's got an air of mystery.

[Luke approaches.]

RORY: Hey, Luke! Want Swami Doggy to read your fortune?

LUKE: Uh, maybe some other time. [To Lorelai] Hey.

LORELAI [lightly]: Hey.

LUKE: Can we walk a little bit?

LORELAI: Yeah.

[They leave the booth.]

LUKE: I've got to apologize again. I should have told you immediately. I was just so confused. It's no excuse, but that's the excuse.

LORELAI: I know, I get it. Nothing can prepare you for this one.

LUKE: Yeah. I just didn't know how to tell you. I'm bad with things.

LORELAI: No, Luke. Listen. I mean, it's weird, you know, but we can make it work. I mean, she's there. April is there. Luckily you're with a woman who's raised a daughter and knows some of the ins and outs. I can help.

LUKE: I know you can. I guess it's just - [He sighs] - it's just all so much right now. I've been dizzy for weeks.

LORELAI: Yeah. I know. Felt like something was up.

LUKE: All too much, you know?

LORELAI: Well, what all? Everything?

LUKE: Well, I've got a kid, she's here, you know, June third -

LORELAI: What about June third?

LUKE: It's just so soon.

LORELAI: It's still months away!

LUKE: Well, it feels close. [Lorelai looks stunned and heartbroken.] It's everything, you know? It's all piling up, it's all happening so fast.

LORELAI [offhand]: Well, if it's all happening too fast, you know we could just postpone.

LUKE: Postpone the wedding?

LORELAI: Yeah. I mean, it's not set in stone. Just happened to work out for a date that soon. I don't want you going into this all jumbled up, you know?

LUKE: And that would be okay with you?

LORELAI: Sure. [She looks away and bites her lip.]

LUKE: Well, that'll help. Yeah, that'll really help! That'll give me time to resolve this other thing, and everything will be better later on.

LORELAI: Well. [She nods.] Great then. It's a done deal.

[Luke smiles, relieved, and kisses her.]

LORELAI: I think it might be a health code violation, kissing this close to the cotton candy booth.

LUKE: Back at my place later?

LORELAI: Yeah. [They kiss again.] See you there.

[He leaves. She stands looking around, trying not to cry. She puts her hands in her pocket and walks back to her booth.]