Épisode La robe idéale S06E11 - Gilmore Girls Saison 6

LUKE'S DINER

[Kirk sits at a table. He gets up, walks behind the counter and picks up a pot of coffee. Luke stares at him. Kirk returns to his table and refills his cup. He then goes behind the counter again to replace the pot. Luke looks on, bewildered.]

LUKE: What in the hell do you think you're doing?

KIRK: I was just getting some coffee.

LUKE: You came behind my counter

KIRK: I saw Lorelai do it the other day.

LUKE: Lorelai is my fiancée.

KIRK: So only people you're sleeping with are allowed to go behind the counter?

LUKE: Yes.

KIRK: Well, I don't really know you that well, Luke. I mean, I know what you do for a living, and I know you're a Scorpio, and you smell okay, but we've never really connected on a deeper level, and -

LUKE: Get out from behind my counter, Kirk!

KIRK: Well, now it's a definite no.

[He returns to his table. Lorelai enters, with Rory behind her. They are carrying shopping bags and Rory is wearing an 'Atlantic City' cap.]

LORELAI: Oh, my God, look who's back!

RORY: Well, I believe it's those adorable Gilmore girls.

LORELAI: My, how we have missed them.

RORY: I hear they're different now. A little sad.

LORELAI: A little broke.

LUKE: Don't you two believe in jet lag?

LORELAI: No way! We're still flying on the Atlantic City buzz. Hey - [They kiss] handsome. Were you bad while I was gone?

LUKE: I was. I went to bed every night at ten fifteen.

LORELAI: Grandpa, what am I going to do with you?

RORY: Hey Luke!

LUKE; Hey, Rory. [They hug.]

LORELAI: We, on the other hand, have not been to bed at all since we left.

RORY: We did fall over once, though.

LUKE: Did you have a good trip?

RORY: I believe it was the best belated twenty-first birthday party on record.

LORELAI [sips her coffee and makes a face]: What's different?

RORY: No Kahlua.

LORELAI: Oh, right. Uh, which reminds me, sorry about all the drunken late-night phone calls.

LUKE: What drunken late-night phone calls?

LORELAI [looks away]: Uh, so, um, do you want to hear about all the things we can tell you about our trip?

LUKE: I'm not sure.

LORELAI: Okay, well, first of all, video poker is my calling. [Luke sits down.] I think I'm totally going to dedicate my life to it, especially the third machine in the second row of machines as you hit the entrance of Trump Taj Mahal. [She makes an "OK" symbol with her hand.]

RORY: I'm a roulette girl, myself.

LORELAI: And we did the whole thing up right. We did martinis at the blackjack table.

RORY: And we pretended I was turning twenty-one while we were playing twenty-one.

LORELAI: And we actually won and we bought our twenty-one items!

RORY: Shot glasses, glow-in-the-dark coasters, salt and pepper shakers, pasties.

LORELAI: Oh, and look. [She gives Luke a crumpled piece of paper.]

LUKE: What's that?

RORY: Twenty-one guys' phone numbers.

LORELAI: I must say, I'm proud of how quickly we got them. And also of the fact that no-one questioned us when we said our names were Wendy and Lisa.

LUKE: Uh-huh. So, tell me, how was Paul Anka? The person, not the dog.

LORELAI [sadly]: We didn't get to see him.

LUKE: Why not? That's all you talked about.

RORY: The billboard was old and his show had actually closed a week before we got there.

LUKE: So, who'd you end up seeing?

LORELAI: Well, it came down to Journey without their original lead singer, INXS without their original lead singer, Queen without their original lead singer, The Supremes without Diana, and weirdly, the James Brown band without James Brown.

RORY: But we wound up seeing Tony Danza who was sublime.

LORELAI: Oh, the tap-dancing!

RORY: Why Taxi never utilized his musical comedy skills is astonishing.

LUKE [sarcastically]: Sounds great.

LORELAI: Oh, we snagged you a Paul Anka t-shirt!

RORY: Had some left over!

LORELAI [laughs, then deepens her voice]: Wear it tonight.

LUKE: Okay. I'm making you burgers. [He starts to get up.]

LORELAI: Wait, wait, you haven't seen the best part yet!

RORY: Oh! [She laughs.] We were walking -

LORELAI: Well, sort of walking, sort of drunk girls in high heels stumbling -

RORY: - down the street, and we see this guy!

LORELAI: And, Luke, my hand to God, it's you.

RORY: It's totally you. Luke 2.0.

LORELAI: We came face to face with your doppelganger, my friend.

RORY: So we followed him.

LORELAI: Yeah, because we had to. And he went into this nightclub, so we followed him!

RORY: Because we are now stalkers and obsessed with getting his picture.

LORELAI: So we follow him through this kind of grungy place, and he goes backstage!

RORY: ‘Cause he's in the biz!

LORELAI: Yeah, so we sneak behind the curtain and we track him down and we told him all about you, and then I showed him your picture and he totally freaked out!

RORY: Wait, I got it! [She pulls a photo out of her back. They laugh.]

LORELAI: Luke, I want you to meet Derek McKinney, your twin separated at birth.

LUKE: This is a man dressed like Dolly Parton.

RORY: You should hear him do 'Jolene'. Amazing.

LUKE: You think I look like a guy dressed as Dolly Parton?

LORELAI: Well, I mean, a little less with the makeup, but check out the chins!

LUKE [gets up]: I'm going to get you burgers.

[Rory holds up the photo to compare as he walks away.]

LORELAI: He missed us.

RORY: Definitely.

 

OPENING CREDITS

 

LORELAI'S HOUSE - OUTSIDE

[Rory is packing up her car. She calls inside.]

RORY: Mom, I gotta go!

LORELAI: Hold on, wait, I'm coming! [She runs out of the house with a grocery bag.] Here's sustenance for the road!

RORY: For the very long thirty minute ride back to school? Thank God, I don't know if I would've made it.

LORELAI: Do you have everything?

RORY [putting the food in the car]: I think so. [She gasps.] Oh no! [She pulls a box out of the car.]

LORELAI: What? What are you doing? Why do you hate the boxes?

RORY: Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no! [She holds up her community service vest.] I accidentally forgot to turn in my community service vest.

LORELAI: So?

RORY: So? This vest belongs to the state! I have now stolen state property. They're going to give me community service for stealing my community service vest!

LORELAI: Okay, freaky link, hand me the vest. I will personally deliver it to the state. Okay? What's next on your agenda?

RORY: I'm just going to head straight over to Paris' apartment.

LORELAI: I can't believe you're going to live with Paris again. Again.

RORY: Hey, she's got an empty room and the price is right. And all the housing on campus is taken. So either that or a cardboard box.

LORELAI: Okay, but how big a cardboard box?

RORY: After I dump my stuff at Paris', I have to hit campus. I still have some class-begging to do. I have to add two courses to my schedule if I'm going to make up all the work I've missed this year.

LORELAI: You don't have to make up everything right away!

RORY: I do if I want to graduate the same time I would've before the detour. Anyway, I have tons of books to buy, I have a meeting with the dean, oh, and of course, I have a meeting with the school psychologist.

LORELAI [holds up her hands]: Oh, uh, back up, I'm sorry. You are meeting with who?

RORY: I told you about this.

LORELAI: No! You did not!

RORY: Every student who unexpectedly takes time off and wants to come back has to have a one-time meeting with the school's psychologist.

LORELAI: You did not tell me this.

RORY: I did too!

LORELAI: No, you did not! Because I would have remembered if you told me you had to have your head shrunk.

RORY: It's just a formality. They just want to make sure I'm stable and that everything's cool.

LORELAI: I can't believe you're going to a therapist. You know, they're totally going to ask you about me.

RORY: What?

LORELAI: They always want to ask about your mother. It's okay. Say whatever you want. But make sure you start with 'my mother's very hot'.

RORY: Yes, that won't seem at all disturbing to the doctor. I have to get going!

LORELAI: I don't want you to go!

RORY: Mom!

LORELAI: No, you just got here.

RORY: But you're going to come see me in three days!

LORELAI: I know, but with our stupid fight, I got cheated this year.

RORY: I know, me too.

[They hug.]

LORELAI: All right, that's enough affection for you. Paul Anka, come say good-bye!

RORY: I haven't seen him all morning.

LORELAI: Paul Anka! Oh well. I guess he doesn't like you better than me.

RORY: Fickle pooch, that one.

LORELAI: Well, he knows who has the kibble.

RORY: Well, say good-bye to him for me and I'll call you tonight.

LORELAI: Okay. [She hugs her again.] Bye. Hey! [She points at Rory's car.]

RORY: What?

[She turns and looks. Paul Anka is sitting in the front seat.]

RORY: He does like me better!

LORELAI: Oh, you put bacon in your laundry.

RORY: Paul Anka likes me better, Paul Anka likes me better.

LORELAI: First Tony Danza tosses you the corsage and now this. [Rory opens the door and Paul Anka runs out.] Get out of here. That's right, avoid my glance, there, buddy.

RORY: It's the sugar on the toe thing! A dog never forgets his first sugar toe.

LORELAI: I thought you had, like, a million things to do today.

RORY: Hm, suddenly not so sad to see me go, huh?

LORELAI [pouting]: What? No. Don't be a stranger, bye-bye. [She turns Rory's head toward the car.]

RORY: Bye, Paul Anka! If you squint really hard she kind of looks like me. [She gets into the car.]

LORELAI: Take off, lady.

[Rory drives away. Lorelai waves. Paul Anka barks and chases the car.]

LORELAI: Hey! Judas! Get back here right now! [She runs after him.]

 

LUKE'S DINER

[Sookie and Lorelai sit at a table covered with magazines and papers.]

SOOKIE: So, what are your initial thoughts about your wedding?

LORELAI: Well, it should be legal.

SOOKIE: Good. Okay. And after that?

LORELAI: After that I'm out.

SOOKIE: How about a hometown wedding? Town square, ceremony in the gazebo.

LORELAI: Gaze-blah.

SOOKIE: Okay. Boring. I got it. How about a church wedding?

LORELAI: Maybe.

SOOKIE: Oh! Beach wedding! Huh? No shoes, Luke can wear shorts -

LORELAI: No. But I want to be with you when you pitch the shorts idea to Luke.

SOOKIE: Okay. No consensus on the locale. Let's move on to the dress!

LORELAI: Okay.

SOOKIE: Any thoughts?

LORELAI: There should be one.

SOOKIE: Okay. Doing great here.

[Luke delivers food to a customer, then stops at their table.]

LUKE: Uh, are you going to eat that cake?

LORELAI: Why? You want it?

LUKE: Well, it's just sitting there, doesn't look like you're going to eat it.

LORELAI [gasps]: Oh my God, you want our table, don't you?

LUKE: Yeah, we're swamped.

LORELAI: Luke, I'm your fiancée. That doesn't buy me a little extra table time?

LUKE: You've been sitting there for two hours.

LORELAI: We're planning our wedding!

LUKE: Well, plan it at the counter.

LORELAI: You want a counter-planned wedding? Seriously?

LUKE [answering the order bell]: Coming right up! Uh, forget I said anything.

LORELAI [nods]: Yeah.

SOOKIE [shows her a picture]: Hey, that's a pretty dress.

LORELAI: Mm, maybe. It's very white.

SOOKIE: You don't want to wear white?

LORELAI: Uh, maybe. I'm not sure.

LUKE: Of course you're going to wear white. Brides wear white. That's the rule.

LORELAI: Says who?

LUKE: Well, you have to wear white! My mother wore white, her mother wore white -

SOOKIE: Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke! [Giggling] Do you know who I am?

LUKE: Of course I know who you are.

SOOKIE: Who am I, Luke?

LUKE: You're Sookie.

SOOKIE: No, Luke, I'm not Sookie. I'm Sookie, BFOTB!

LUKE: What?

SOOKIE: Best Friend of the Bride. It is my responsibility to help plan this event. To talk through all the details. To taste the cake and pick the invitations, and to keep you, the fiancé of the bride from having to pretend to be interested in things that he has no interest in -

LUKE: I have an interest, I have an interest! But I'm not -

SOOKIE [yelling over his protests]: No you don't! BFOTB! Ah!

LANE: Luke, your turkey melt is up.

SOOKIE: Oh, Luke, your turkey melt's up.

LUKE: Fine.

LANE [to Lorelai]: Refills?

LORELAI: Yes. See? I can make decisions.

LANE [gloomily]: What's all this?

SOOKIE: We are planning a wedding.

LANE: Oh, super. Well, at least there'll be cake. [She leaves.]

LORELAI: Wow. It's nice that my outlook on life is sunnier than a twenty-one-year-old's.

SOOKIE: Okay. Let's start with something simple. A date for the wedding.

LORELAI: Okay, that does sound simple.

SOOKIE: Now, some people have mentioned some conflicts and I think we should take those into consideration.

LORELAI: Okay.

SOOKIE: Miss Patty is going to be in Baja the first two weeks in April, and Babette said the last two weeks in April are bad, because her cat's expecting kittens.

LORELAI: That little tramp.

SOOKIE: Michel is bad every Saturday from now until February because he signed up for booty boot camp again. Kirk has no conflicts but Lulu is going to Florida sometime between May 15th and June 1st.

LUKE [walking by]: Yeah, who's Lulu?

LORELAI: Kirk's girlfriend.

LUKE: Yeah, we're not moving wedding plans around for people whose last names I don't even know.

SOOKIE: Luke!

LUKE: What!

SOOKIE: Who am I?

LUKE: Aw, jeez. [He sighs and walks away.]

 

PARIS' APARTMENT

[Paris leads Rory up a grungy stairwell.]

PARIS: Apartment five is Mrs. Holiday. She steals mail. Apartment six is the Chili Cheese Boys - take the description at face value. I don't know who's in apartment seven because meeting five and six was enough 'It takes a village' for me. Here we are, apartment eight.

RORY: Eight is great.

PARIS [demonstrating]: Okay, now, you have to unlock the middle bolt first, the bottom bolt second, the top lock third, the bottom lock fourth, you have to kick the door twice, and that's it.

RORY: Wow, you really have to earn it, huh?

PARIS: It's just precaution. It isn't really necessary. This neighborhood is only as scary as you make it. Those guys downstairs, they just look deadly. Believe me. They don't bother you if you don't bother them. When you have guests over, just tell them they're a doo-wop group.

[Rory nods. Paris opens the door and lets her inside.]

PARIS [locking the door]: We keep the door fully locked, even when we're home. We actually added the chains after there were a couple of break-ins on the street, but we've never had any trouble. We've actually got a very sophisticated crime prevention system set up here. When we leave, we always keep the radio on. Rush Limbaugh, of course, so they know we have guns in the house. The lights are all on a timer, so don't touch the switches, and there's a motion detector in the hallway so don't freak out when it goes on at night. Now, over here is our trusty dog, Bloodhound. [She presses a button on a stereo and it barks loudly.] Excellent for magazine pushers and pamphlet bearers of all types.

RORY: You've got it all covered.

PARIS: Pretty much. That's our room, that's your room. They're both the same size, but we have an extra window because Doyle has dreams about walls collapsing in on him, so he needs to sleep near glass.

[Something bangs outside.]

RORY: Oh, my God! Were those gunshots?

PARIS: No. That was just a car backfiring. The real gunfire actually sounds fake. You'll pick it up eventually. They call it 'ghetto ear'.

RORY: Something to look forward to.

PARIS: Now, Doyle sleeps very deeply, so don't worry about the hours. I, as you know, haven't slept through the night since the first time I saw the Wizard of Oz, thank you Mom. So I tend to do my crafts in the middle of the night, but the walls are very thick. You won't hear a thing. Oh, now, the hot water in the bathroom -

[Doyle bursts out of their bedroom and tackles Paris. They tussle on the ground. Rory looks horrified. Doyle pins Paris.]

DOYLE: Aha! You let your guard down, Gellar, and I did it! I got the best of you!

PARIS: I was giving a tour!

DOYLE: Admit your defeat!

PARIS: Never! Rematch!

DOYLE: Challenge accepted!

PARIS: Helmets on!

[They get up and suit up in fighting gear.]

RORY: What are you doing? What's going on?

PARIS: When we moved into the neighborhood, we thought it would be good to take some self-defense classes.

DOYLE: Krav Maga. Official self-defense hand-to-hand combat style of Israel.

RORY: Oh.

DOYLE: Krav Maga is not about being a tough guy, or fighting in a ring, it's about going home alive, no matter what.

PARIS: And it's a rush.

DOYLE: Pads on.

PARIS: Attack on three. One, two -

[They start hitting each other.]

RORY: Okay, uh, I'm going to go get the rest of my stuff, so I'm just going to -

DOYLE: Steinbeck! Steinbeck!

PARIS: That's not your safety word!

DOYLE [knocks her down]: I know. It's Saroyan.

PARIS: You've been practicing behind my back! I love you.

[Rory hurries out.]

 

STREET

[Sookie and Lorelai are walking along.]

SOOKIE: Three four one eight. Three four one eight. Did we pass three four one eight?

LORELAI: Boy, this is a weak coffee.

SOOKIE: Maybe I wrote it down wrong. Across the street from a butcher. Or a barber. Or a Barbara? Across the street from a Barbara, ooh, I wonder if it's a famous Barbara, like Streisand or Mandrell -

LORELAI [makes a face and throws the coffee in a trash can]: Okay, I give.

SOOKIE: Oh, I think we passed it. This was supposed to be the best place to find wedding invitations, and now we've passed it!

LORELAI: And since we've passed it, it just vanished from the face of the earth, never to be seen again. Here, let me see the paper. [Sookie hands it to her.] Oh, yeah, we passed it!

SOOKIE: Of course we have.

LORELAI: And we're on the wrong side of the street.

SOOKIE: Of course we are. [Looking around, she sees 'Something Old, Something New Bridal Shop', with dresses in the window.] Ooh, look, look!

LORELAI: What? Ah, jeez.

SOOKIE: Let's go in!

LORELAI: Why?

SOOKIE: To look at dresses!

LORELAI: Oh, Sookie, I don't even know what kind of dress I want. I may even make my own dress.

SOOKIE: So what? We can just go in and look around.

LORELAI: They're going to look at us funny!

SOOKIE: What are you talking about? [singing] You have the golden ticket!

LORELAI: I do, don't I?

SOOKIE [still singing]: You've got the golden ticket on your hand!

LORELAI: All right, all right. You're going to stop singing when we go inside, right? Otherwise they really will look at us funny.

[They walk in.]

LORELAI: Oh, wow. That's a lot of white.

SOOKIE [pulls a very busy dress off the rack]: Ooh! Try this on. I dare you.

LORELAI: I think that's the one Divine turned down for being to over-the-top. Are we allowed to touch these?

SOOKIE: I don't know. Do you see anyone here?

LORELAI: No.

SOOKIE: Maybe they're in back. Maybe they've been taken hostage by the tulle.

[Lorelai glances toward the back. A dress on a mannequin catches her eye.]

SOOKIE: Where are you going? [She follows Lorelai.] What are you doing?

LORELAI: Look.

SOOKIE: Pretty.

LORELAI: Not 'pretty', it's perfect. It's the perfect dress.

SOOKIE: Really? You think?

LORELAI: I, I don't believe it! I just turned around and there it is! The perfect dress!

SOOKIE: It's your size.

LORELAI: The perfect dress is my size. That is weird. Does anyone work here? [Calling out] Hello, does anyone work here?

SOOKIE: Oh my God.

LORELAI: What?

SOOKIE: It's on sale.

LORELAI [gasps]: It's the perfect dress! That's it, I'm trying it on!

[Sookie squeals excitedly. Lorelai begins to undress the mannequin.]

LORELAI [to the mannequin]: Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not looking for anything serious.

 

KIM'S ANTIQUES

[Lane enters. Mrs. Kim is unpacking a box of dishes.]

MRS. KIM: Look. Woman come in here and tell me this is full set of 1950's milk glass. Does she think my mother drop me on my head when I'm a baby? I know Nigella Lawson when I see it.

LANE: I'm going upstairs.

MRS. KIM: Wait. Talk. How was work?

LANE: I handed people food for six and a half hours, it's every little girl's dream.

MRS. KIM: I'm making Kim Chee dumplings tonight.

LANE: I smell like burgers and fries, so I'll have to shower.

MRS. KIM: Okay.

LANE: Which means I won't be ready for dinner for at least forty five minutes!

MRS. KIM: Fine. I need to make the dumplings. Dumplings don't make themselves.

LANE: And you might want to put on your Korean television show. Because I'm going to listen to music, and it's going to be music that you don't approve of, but I'm twenty-one now, so I'll listen to the music that I like, when I like, and that's just the way it's going to be!

[She goes upstairs. Mrs. Kim looks perplexed.]

 

YALE HALLWAY

[Rory chases after a professor.]

RORY: Professor Jeline! Professor Jeline!

PROFESSOR: Sorry. I'm in a bit of a hurry.

RORY: That's okay, don't slow down. I'll catch up. Hi. I'm Rory Gilmore.

PROFESSOR: Nice to meet you, Rory.

RORY: And you. Really. I'm actually hoping to get a spot in your class. It was full by the time I got my name in. Not that my delay in registering should be taken as lack of enthusiasm.

PROFESSOR: Apparently not.

RORY: So, anyhow, I'm really hoping to score a spot in your class.

PROFESSOR: Well, add/drop begins tomorrow.

RORY: I'm aware of that. I just thought I would start putting in a good word for myself right now. So here's a good word. I'm dying to be in your class. I even bought your book, see? The one you wrote for the class. And I bought it new, not used, so you get full royalty payment on it.

PROFESSOR: Well, thank you.

RORY: I want to be in your class.

PROFESSOR: I can't make you any promises, but I appreciate your enthusiasm. And by the way, I get full royalties whether you buy the book new or used.

RORY: See how much I've learned already?

PROFESSOR: Goodbye, Rory.

RORY: I will see you tomorrow.

[They turn and walk separate ways. Rory rounds a corner and sees Logan sitting on a bench, waiting for her.]

LOGAN: I knew you'd have to hit the coffee cart eventually.

[She stares at him, then turns and walks the other way. He looks after her sadly.]

 

LUKE'S DINER

[Luke is closing up. Lorelai comes to the door with a large dress box. Luke opens the door for her.]

LORELAI: Well, we're done.

LUKE: We're done with what?

LORELAI: The wedding preparations. We're all done!

LUKE: What?

LORELAI: I just dropped off a deposit check to the caterer, and I brought you some duck sausage rolls, by the way. [She hands him a takeout container from on top of the dress box, which she places on the counter.]

LUKE: Duck sausage rolls

LORELAI: I know, they sounded weird to me too, but they're incredible.

LUKE: I don't understand. How did this happen? This morning you didn't know whether you're going to wear a white dress or not.

LORELAI: I know! But then Sookie and I went to check out these invitations, you know, and right next door there was this little bridal shop, and we thought, oh, we'll just go in, look around, you know, no big deal, just girl fun, right? And I went in, and I turned around, and there it was. The perfect dress!

LUKE: The -

LORELAI: The bodice is this blush colored silk tulle, and it has all these little crystal beads on it, and the skirt is a blush silk tulle, with a blush silk satin lining, and the back goes into a train, and, oh! It has a cream satin sash, so you get a little white in there, which I know is very important to you, and I tried it on and it fit me perfectly and it was on sale and so I bought it! And from the minute I bought the dress, everything else fell into place!

LUKE: What does that mean?

LORELAI: Well, the dress is strapless, so, hello, summer wedding, and summer means daisies, so flower choice done, and we went into the stationery store and there was the perfect daisy invitations, which I know sounds a little girly, but seriously, there are no macho wedding invitations, so please just give me this one, okay?

LUKE: Okay.

LORELAI: Okay, so I bought the invitations. The place is running a special. They print the invites and mail them for you and handle the RSVP list, so that's done! Then we go to get some coffee, and in the window of the coffee shop, there is a picture of a beautiful rose-covered church, and I thought, gee, that's pretty, I wonder where that is? And do you know where it is?

LUKE: No.

LORELAI: Right around the corner from the coffee shop. So we went in and talked to Pastor Todd.

LUKE: Pastor Todd.

LORELAI: And the church is perfect, and out back there's a separate function hall with these floor-to-ceiling windows and doors that open out, and behind the hall is this old carousel!

LUKE: A carousel?

LORELAI: From 1850! And it should be fully restored and working by June third which by the way is the date of our wedding. [She smiles proudly.]

LUKE: June third?

LORELAI: Yes. Which is also, miraculously, a date that absolutely no one in Stars Hollow has a conflict with, and the Pastor was running a special!

LUKE: A special?

LORELAI: Yeah. I rented the church and he gave me the hall for half price, and he threw in the use of the carousel for nothing, and his sister runs a catering company and Sookie blessed it and so basically that's it, we're done!

LUKE: Huh!

LORELAI: It's so weird how this happened. You know? It's like the dress was a sign or something.

LUKE: There are no signs.

LORELAI: Oh my God!

LUKE: What?

LORELAI: Oh my God, it started snowing! It started snowing right as I started talking about signs! That, my friend, is a sign!

LUKE: That is not a sign. That is weather.

LORELAI: No. This is more than weather. This is fate.

LUKE: June third, huh?

LORELAI: June third.

LUKE: That's soon.

LORELAI: I know.

LUKE: That's less than five months away.

LORELAI: I know.

[Luke chuckles. Lorelai squeaks excitedly and kisses him.]

LORELAI: Okay, I better get this back home before the snow gets any worse. [She picks up the box and heads for the door.] Oh, and I picked out your tuxedo! You can stop by the place any time you want, and they were running a special so the alterations are free!

[She smiles and leaves. Luke sits down and sighs.]

 

YALE DAILY NEWS

[The staff is assembled for their assignments. Paris paces behind them.]

PARIS: City beat, Martha Billings. Editorials, Peter Brook. Sports, Russ Tamblyn. Religion beat, Heather Torrance. [She pauses next to Heather.] Religion beat. My former beat. Good luck, Heather. And Features, Arlen Sather, Nick Scott and the returning Rory Gilmore. Also joining our ranks this year are former editor, Doyle McMaster and his new column, 'The World According to Doyle'. It's going to be a great term, people. An important term. A term to change the history of the Yale Daily News. The work will be hard. It has to be hard. Nothing less than perfect will be tolerated. Please remember that I am your editor. I am not your mother, or your hugger. If you need some love, get a hooker. If you're having a bad day, find a ledge or way to deal. My door is not open to you, ever. You have five minutes to enjoy your cookies. Welcome to the Yale Daily News.

[The meeting breaks up. Rory approaches Paris.]

RORY: Thanks for the Features beat, Paris.

PARIS: You deserve it. You're a good writer.

RORY: Thanks. And I know you're going to be a great editor.

PARIS: I plan on it.

RORY: Yeah. But you know, you might want to ease up just a tad?

PARIS: What do you mean?

RORY: You know, the five minutes for the cookies, the no talking signs posted everywhere, the no decorating your desk rule, the new demerit system, the locks on the bathroom doors. It's just all a little, um, harsh. Restrictive. This is a news room, people should be able to talk, yell, joke around.

PARIS: I don't agree.

RORY: Go to the bathroom.

PARIS: Journalism is an art form, and the best art is created under repression, like Stalin's Gulag. You think Solzhenitsyn could've written 'One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich' on a yoga retreat?

RORY: Paris, I don't really think -

PARIS: Oh, great. [Rory turns and sees Logan coming in the door.] I got a call saying your boyfriend was going to be coming back.

RORY: He's not my boyfriend anymore, Paris, we broke up.

PARIS: Hey, keep your personal stuff at home, okay? I can't be seen caring about this. [She yells out.] My door is not open! Huntzberger, my office, now!

[Logan obeys, looking at Rory as he walks past her. He follows Paris into her cubicle at the end of the news room. Rory walks to her desk.]

PARIS: Sit down, Logan. Let's have a little talk about your future.

LOGAN: Sure, Paris.

[They sit down.]

PARIS: Now, I know you think your sugar daddy runs the world, and that includes this paper, and possibly, in the past, that was true. But not anymore. You don't scare me. [He leans his seat back and glances at Rory's desk. She's not there.] Your daddy doesn't scare me, your mommy doesn't scare me, if you have a brother, a sister or a really angry cat, they don't scare me either. Hey. Either spin a plate on your nose while you do that, or cut it out, because I am speaking.

LOGAN [sets the chair back down]: Sorry.

PARIS: Oh, you will be. Now let's talk about deadlines. Emphasis on 'dead'.

 

RORY'S APARTMENT STAIRWELL

[Rory leads Lorelai up the stairs.]

RORY [cheerfully]: So the elevator's getting fixed on Monday, but I'm thinking I may not even use it, 'cause the stairs are excellent exercise. And I love having a hallway, you know? I've never had a hallway before! And I am really lucky that Paris and Doyle hadn't rented out that other room yet. I mean, this location is really in demand.

LORELAI [doubtfully]: Really?

RORY: Oh, yeah. I mean, it is literally ten minutes from campus. Do you know how hard I'm going to have to work to be late for class?

LORELAI [laughs nervously]: Uh, those guys down there, are they your neighbors?

RORY [struggling with the locks]: Um, no. They're a doo-wop group.

LORELAI: Hmm. You have some plutonium back there or something?

RORY: Oh, no, just Paris, you know. She's quirky. [She kicks the door twice and it opens.] Okay. Welcome to my place.

LORELAI [entering]: No.

RORY: Mom, give it a chance.

LORELAI: No!

RORY: Look, we have a really big living room.

LORELAI: Uh, no!

RORY: I know it just looks run-down, [Lorelai gasps] but everything works fine!

LORELAI [looks into the kitchen]: No!

RORY: Mom!

LORELAI: No.

RORY: Okay, tour's over. Time for lunch.

LORELAI [pointing at things]: No! No, no!

[She opens the door to Paris and Doyle's room. They are beating on each other, Krav Maga-style. Rory squeals as Lorelai covers her eyes.]

LORELAI: No, no, no!

RORY: Okay, okay!

[They head for the door. Lorelai glances back, horrified.]

 

KIM'S ANTIQUES

[Lane is helping a customer with a chair.]

CUSTOMER: It's very nice.

LANE: It's one of a kind.

CUSTOMER: Will you take two-fifty?

LANE: For that chair?

CUSTOMER: Well, it does have some nicks.

LANE: That chair is two hundred years old. It's going to have some nicks. It sat in James Madison's bedroom. This chair is a piece of history, we shouldn't even be allowed to sell it to you.

CUSTOMER: Well, I didn't mean to insult you.

LANE: You didn't insult me. You insulted the chair. And the United States of America.

CUSTOMER: All right, three hundred's fine.

LANE: Forget it.

CUSTOMER: That's what the price tag says.

LANE: Price just went up, flag-burner! If you want the chair, it's three-fifty. If you don't, please leave because I have a lot of work to do.

CUSTOMER: Well -

LANE: Bye.

CUSTOMER: Three-fifty, here! Do you take cash?

LANE: Exact change only.

CUSTOMER: I don't suppose you have a delivery service? [Lane glares at her.] Oh, that's okay! I'll - I'll take it with me right now.

[Lane takes the money to the cash register. Mrs. Kim approaches her.]

MRS. KIM: You forgot to kick her in the pants as she walked out.

LANE: I made the sale, didn't I?

MRS. KIM: Yes, but with a little less bite, a customer might come back.

LANE: You always drive a hard bargain.

MRS. KIM: Yes I do.

LANE: Okay then!

MRS. KIM: We do have a delivery service.

LANE: Yeah, me in a minivan! Not in the mood, no matter how exciting the prospect of a two-dollar tip is!

MRS. KIM: Too bad it's not Christmas! That smiley face of yours would cheer up children for miles around!

[The door opens. They both look over. It's Zach.]

LANE: Oh, Zach. Zach! You have a lot of nerve just to walk into my place like this!

ZACH: What are you talking about? This is like a place of business. Maybe I want to buy some antiques.

LANE [sarcastically]: Oh, right.

ZACH: You're not wearing your glasses anymore.

LANE: What do you want, Zach?

ZACH: I think you have a CD of mine.

LANE: What CD?

ZACH: You know, the one with like a crazy-looking chick on it?

LANE: I don't have any of your CD's, Zach!

ZACH: I think you do. I can go up to your room and check.

LANE: No, Zach! You can't go up to my room and check! I'll look, and if I find a CD with a crazy-looking chick on it, I'll mail it to you!

ZACH: Seriously, let's go upstairs and look now.

LANE: I'm working, Zach!

ZACH: Yeah, I can tell there's a major rush on ancient crap going on here-

LANE [pushes him out the door]: Bye, Zach!

ZACH: Five minutes, Lane!

LANE: Out, Zach!

ZACH: It's my favorite CD!

LANE: Out!

ZACH: Fine!

[Lane slams the door and yells at Mrs. Kim's customer.]

LANE: Hey, you break it, you buy it!

 

A RESTAURANT

[Rory and Lorelai are having lunch.]

LORELAI: Oh, Rory!

RORY: Come on. It's not so bad.

LORELAI: It's Angela's Ashes!

RORY: It's basic.

LORELAI: It's Sanford and Son.

RORY: Mom, the neighborhood is safe. A ton of kids from school live there. And they have a safety van that goes to and from campus so I don't have to walk home at night.

LORELAI: That wasn't a doo-wop group, was it?

RORY: No.

LORELAI: Let's call Daddy! Make him pay for an apartment with one lock!

RORY: No! Look, this is the way it's supposed to be. I am in college. Don't you see? I'm supposed to live in a crappy apartment. I'm supposed to eat Ramen noodles and mac and cheese for months. I've been living in a pool house with maids and fresh cut flowers and mints on my pillow every night.

LORELAI: You've got to love my mother sometimes.

RORY: This is good and right and I'm happy. And I have room-mates who are learning to kill people. So where's the bad? Now let's talk about you. How are the wedding plans going?

LORELAI: Done.

RORY: What?

LORELAI: All done.

RORY: What?

LORELAI: The dress, the cake, the place, the invitations. June third, by the way.

RORY: Wow!

LORELAI: Yeah. I also bought your dress and shoes.

RORY: How did all that happen?

LORELAI: Well, I found this dress which, at the time, seemed like the perfect dress, and from the dress, all the details fell into place. By the end of the day I was done.

RORY: That's great!

LORELAI: Is it?

RORY: Isn't it?

LORELAI: I don't know. Yes, sure, I thought it was. I mean, I thought it was a sign or something. Finding the dress, and then, oh, when it started to snow, I was like, somebody's telling me something!

RORY: So it would seem!

LORELAI: But then I started thinking.

RORY: Uh-oh.

LORELAI: It was all too easy. Planning a wedding shouldn't be easy, because marriage isn't easy.

RORY: How do you know? You've never been married.

LORELAI: Exactly.

RORY: Exactly what?

LORELAI: I have never been married because it's not easy, and I usually freak out and screw everything up. I freaked out and screwed everything up with Max, remember?

RORY: Yeah, but -

LORELAI: But I haven't freaked out about Luke yet. Why haven't I freaked out about Luke yet? It's my pattern. It's what I do. And then I started freaking out about the fact that I hadn't freaked out.

RORY: Oh, dear, you got caught in a circle of freak-out!

LORELAI: What if the dress is really a bad sign and not a good sign? What if the dress is telling me that it's so right it's wrong?

RORY: Mom!

LORELAI: What if I'm about to bail out and I don't even know it?

RORY: You are driving yourself crazy.

LORELAI: What if all the signs are saying that things shouldn't be this easy? That I shouldn't get the guy I want? What if it's like that Twilight Zone where the woman on a horse is being chased by another woman on a horse who, it turns out, is older her chasing younger her trying to tell her that she should not run off with the guy she's going to run off with, because it will be a terrible, terrible mistake!

RORY: Okay, King George, take a breath, eat a fry and listen to me. The dress is a good sign. Everything fell into place because it should. It's all right. The dress is right, the date is right, Luke is right. And the snow? Remember the snow? The snow never lies.

LORELAI: I guess.

RORY: Be happy. This is all good.

LORELAI [smiles]: Thanks. I'm going to miss when you're stuffed into a dumpster by the doo-wop group!

RORY: So what about my dress?

LORELAI: Two words. Hoop skirt.

RORY: Nice!

LORELAI: In a lovely shade of tangerine.

RORY: Excellent!

LORELAI: And the minute I saw it, I thought, this would totally be Rory, if only it had a few more ruffles.

RORY: A fry with your evilness?

LORELAI: Why, thank you.

 

ANNA'S HOUSE

[Luke hesitantly knocks on the door. Anna opens it.]

ANNA [smiles]: Hello, stranger.

LUKE: Hey. Uh, can - can I come in?

ANNA: Why not?

LUKE [enters]: Sorry about barging in on you like that.

ANNA: It's fine. I'm making tea, you want some tea?

LUKE: Uh, yeah, sure. Tea sounds - like tea.

ANNA [heads to the kitchen]: April's not here right now. She's tracking a grub migration. All inquiries stopped after the word 'grub'.

LUKE: That's okay. I came by to see you, actually.

ANNA: Oh, yeah?

LUKE: Yeah. [Looking around] You've got a lot of stuff here. You sell clothes?

ANNA: Clothes, pillows, candles, fabrics. One of those everything kind of boutiques that used to send you in a 'what do people need with all this crap' kind of rant.

LUKE: Oh, yeah. Well, that's nice.

ANNA: Thanks.

LUKE: Yeah.

ANNA [hands him a mug]: Here.

LUKE: Thanks. [He takes a sip.] Tastes like tea.

ANNA [nods]: Uh, this is weird.

LUKE: I know.

ANNA: It's been a very long time.

LUKE: I know.

ANNA: I actually saw you once, about five years ago in a parking lot of some lumber yard.

LUKE: Yeah?

ANNA: I waved, but you didn't see me or didn't want to see me or -

LUKE: I didn't see you. I would have waved back, unless I was holding stuff, and then I would have nodded or something.

ANNA: Sure. [She laughs.] I'm sure. I thought about you when the Red Sox won.

LUKE: Really?

ANNA: I knew it would be a big day for you.

LUKE: It was. [He sighs.] How come you didn't tell me, Anna?

ANNA: Luke -

LUKE: It was a phone call.

ANNA: We should sit down.

[They sit.]

LUKE: I've been in the same place forever. I haven't moved. You certainly knew how to find me.

ANNA: Luke, come on. We'd already broken up by the time I found out, and I knew how you felt about kids.

LUKE: What do you mean, how I felt about kids?

ANNA: You hate kids!

LUKE [indignant]: I don't hate kids!

ANNA: What are you talking about?

LUKE: I don't!

ANNA: We couldn't go to the movies before ten o'clock at night in case there were kids in the theatre.

LUKE: Well, kids talk during a movie. They throw crap around, they run up and down the aisles. They're animals.

ANNA: We would move tables in a restaurant if they seated us near a family.

LUKE: Only if there was something crying or spitting up.

ANNA: You would flip out if you saw a woman breastfeeding in public, you couldn't stand to watch diaper commercials, and you had an unnatural hatred of Macaulay Culkin.

LUKE: Okay, fine. I hated kids. But I'm not that guy anymore.

ANNA: Thirteen years ago you were that guy.

LUKE: It doesn't mean I would've been like that with my kid. I mean, even if I would've been like that with my kid, I still had a right to know.

ANNA: I'm sorry.

LUKE: Yeah. Well, you know. I could've helped. I could've helped pay for stuff and take care of things.

ANNA: I didn't need you to pay for stuff and take care of things.

LUKE: This is my responsibility too, and now that I know, I have to do something.

ANNA: What does that mean?

LUKE: It means I want to offer you whatever assistance I can.

ANNA: I don't -

LUKE: Monetary, of course, and compensation for the past twelve years.

ANNA: But we don't need anything. It was not my idea for April to call you. It was all her thing. She got obsessed with winning that science contest. She's really a smart, driven kid. She's already written a short novel, and she's got her own website. So, she went through my old letters and put the whole thing together, and frankly didn't tell me anything about it until way after the fact. I did not send her to you.

LUKE: I know you didn't. But she came to me and now I want to help. I'm not talking about contact. I know you've got your life here, I don't want to mess things up. I just want to live up to my end of the bargain.

ANNA: You don't owe us anything, Luke. We want for nothing and always have. But if you want to chip in, then sure. Chip in.

LUKE: Really? Great. That's - that's great. That's really - thank you.

ANNA: Thank you. [She laughs awkwardly.]

LUKE: Yeah. Okay, well, that's all I came to say, so, so I guess I'll get going.

[They stand up.]

ANNA: Hey, Luke, it was really great seeing you.

LUKE: You too. Tell April hi for me.

ANNA: I will do that. [He reaches the door.] Hey, Luke?

LUKE [turns]: Yeah?

ANNA: You happy?

LUKE: Yeah.

ANNA: Me, too. It's pretty cool, isn't it?

LUKE: Yeah, it is.

[He leaves.]

 

RORY'S APARTMENT

[Rory walks up the stairs and stops when she sees Logan standing outside her door. She resignedly walks over.]

LOGAN: I brought coffee, but it's cold.

[Rory, ignoring him, sets down her things and begins unlocking the door.]

LOGAN: It's a nice place you got here, I've been discussing the proper baking soda to crack ratio you can get away with with your neighbors downstairs. Two to one during the daylight. Three to one at night.

RORY: I have ten minutes to change, then I have someplace to be.

LOGAN: It's going to take you twenty to unlock your door.

RORY: Bye, Logan.

LOGAN: This place is a dump, Rory. You can't live here.

RORY: You don't get to care about where I live anymore, Logan. You broke up with me. Through your sister!

LOGAN: I didn't mean for that to happen!

RORY: You're a coward! Mr. Life and Death Brigade can't even break up with his girlfriend.

LOGAN: Honor was bugging me and I just told her we broke up to shut her up. I needed some time.

RORY: So you didn't mean it?

LOGAN: No, I did! I just - it was too much for me. Okay?

RORY: It was a fight. People fight!

LOGAN: Yeah, well, I don't fight! I don't want to be screaming at you at a bar. I can't take that. It's too much drama.

RORY: Well, if you can't take the drama, then you shouldn't even be in a relationship. Which, by the way, you're not. So everything's good.

LOGAN: It's not that easy.

RORY [struggling with the door]: Sure it is.

LOGAN [sighs]: Want some help?

RORY: Nope.

LOGAN: Bet one of those guys downstairs could help you out getting into a locked apartment.

RORY [kicks the door twice]: Just go be you somewhere else, Logan.

LOGAN: I thought that I wanted to break up. I thought that it was a stupid experiment, me trying to be a boyfriend, and that it didn't work and I'd just move on. And I didn't. Couldn't, actually. [Rory is not really listening, gathering up her things.] Rory! [She looks at him.] I love you!

RORY [flustered]: I have an appointment! I have to go!

[She opens the door and goes inside. Logan stands listening to the locks slide back into place.]

 

PSYCHOLOGIST'S OFFICE

[The psychologist holds the door for Rory as she enters.]

RORY: Sorry I'm late.

PSYCHOLOGIST: Well, considering how many times you rescheduled, I'm just happy you're here at all.

RORY: I was just spending some time with my mother. You know. We were apart for a while.

PSYCHOLOGIST: You were?

RORY: Yeah.

PSYCHOLOGIST: Falling out?

RORY: Nothing major, just mother-daughter stuff. [The psychologist nods.] I don't have to lie down, do I?

PSYCHOLOGIST: No, that's not a lying down couch.

RORY: Good. [She sits.]

PSYCHOLOGIST: So, did this falling out have anything to do with your dropping out of school?

RORY: Boy, we just jumped into this, didn't we?

PSYCHOLOGIST: You want to talk about something else first?

RORY: No.

PSYCHOLOGIST: I mean, we're here to talk about your leaving school, so I figured let's just start there. What happened?

RORY: Nothing. We fought. Uh, I'm fine. We're fine.

PSYCHOLOGIST: I hear you had some legal problems.

RORY: My, those are some big ears you have there, Grandma.

PSYCHOLOGIST: Stealing a boat is a pretty big deal.

RORY: I was upset.

PSYCHOLOGIST: About what?

RORY: About life, and things and - stuff.

PSYCHOLOGIST: You spent a night in jail?

RORY: Yes, I did.

PSYCHOLOGIST: How did that feel?

RORY [pauses]: Great.

PSYCHOLOGIST: You don't want to talk about this either?

RORY: I'm just, I'm sick of talking about it, that's all.

PSYCHOLOGIST: You seem very agitated.

RORY: I'm not agitated. I - so I spent a night in jail. Big deal. So did Martin Luther King!

PSYCHOLOGIST: Are you comparing yourself with Martin Luther King?

RORY: No, I'm not. I just, I'm saying that he spent a night in jail too.

PSYCHOLOGIST: You were arrested with your boyfriend?

RORY: Yes, I was.

PSYCHOLOGIST: Tell me about that.

RORY: About what? He was my boyfriend then and now he's not.

PSYCHOLOGIST: He's not.

RORY: No, he's not. We broke up. Oh, no, I'm sorry. He broke up. I thought that we were just taking some time, but apparently I'm a moron!

PSYCHOLOGIST: Does this Logan -

RORY: Wha - you have his name, too? Super! Do you also have the picture of him hijacking me in my hallway earlier today?

PSYCHOLOGIST: I'm sorry, what?

RORY: I mean, how fair is that? He's gone, and then he shows up out of the blue, "You can't live here! This place is a dump! And by the way, I love you!" I love you? Is he serious?

PSYCHOLOGIST: I don't know.

RORY [emotionally]: Nothing for weeks, and then he just decides that he loves me? So what happens now? I get another Birkin bag? And how long until he doesn't love me again, huh? [The psychologist holds out a box of tissues. She snatches it from him.] I stole a boat with him! I never stole a boat with Dean!

PSYCHOLOGIST: Who's Dean?

RORY [crying]: My married ex-boyfriend who I lost my virginity to!

PSYCHOLOGIST: Wow.

RORY: Yeah, I'm a treat! I don't know what I'm going to do! I don't think I can take running into him every day in the halls, and in the paper, and the coffee cart! Oh my God! I'm going to have to quit drinking coffee! And I love coffee!

[She weeps openly. The psychologist raises his eyebrows and writes something down.]

RORY [waving around a handful of tissues]: I really love coffee!

[She continues to cry.]

 

STARS HOLLOW STREET

[Luke and Kirk are walking around, carrying an open notebook computer.]

LUKE: I feel like an idiot!

KIRK: Just relax, Luke. It should only take a couple more minutes.

LUKE: I've been following you around the town square for half an hour.

KIRK: I know there's a wireless internet hub around here somewhere. Ah! [He takes a few steps backward.] No. Encrypted. [He keeps walking.] I used to use the bank's access. But I had to stand right in front of the Versa Teller machine and they got very snippy about that. Then Doose's had it for a while, but Taylor put a block on it. Sad what this world is coming to.

LUKE: You know, why don't I just find someone who actually has the internet?

KIRK: Hold on - hold on! We have achieved contact!

LUKE: We have.

KIRK: Yes, courtesy of Stars Hollow Books. [They sit down on the curb.] Okay, now tell me what you need.

LUKE: Uh, I just, uh, need to look up a website.

KIRK: Okay, give me the name and I'll type it in for you.

LUKE: Well, I -

KIRK: Hold on. Is this one of 'those' websites? Because if they'll come after Pete Townshend then no-one is safe.

LUKE: Kirk, just tell me what to do and I'll do it myself.

KIRK: Are you sure?

LUKE: Yes, just - here. [He takes the computer from Kirk.]

KIRK: Okay, give me your hand and I'll guide -

LUKE [slaps his hand]: Stop it!

KIRK: All right. Just click here, then type in the name of the website here, then press here.

LUKE: Okay.

KIRK: This makes the page go up and down.

LUKE: Yeah, I'll figure out the rest, Kirk.

KIRK: All right. I'll be over here if you need me. [He gets up.]

LUKE: I've never felt safer in my life.

[Luke clicks his way onto April's website. He smiles proudly as he scrolls through photos of her at the science fair, at her birthday party, wearing a back brace, and in the lab with her uncle.]

 

KIM'S ANTIQUES

[Mrs. Kim opens the door for some customers who are leaving.]

MRS. KIM: Thank you for coming. We appreciate your business.

LANE: Everything's dusted, the receipts are organized, I'm not hungry, I'm going upstairs.

[She walks sullenly up the stairs. Mrs. Kim stares at her.]

MRS. KIM [sternly]: Lane Kim! [Lane turns around.] Come down now!

[Lane comes down. Mrs. Kim changes the sign to 'Closed', locks the door and covers the window.]

MRS. KIM: Follow me.

[Lane follows her as she meticulously closes all the blinds and curtains on the front windows.]

MRS. KIM: Help me.

[They move a wardrobe in front of a side window that has no curtains.]

MRS. KIM: Good! Come.

[They walk into the kitchen. Mrs. Kim stands on a chair to reach a high shelf in the cupboard. Lane stares at her, confused. Mrs. Kim retrieves a bottle of alcohol, covered by a towel, and two shot glasses from under a mug. She sets them on the table. They sit. Mrs. Kim pours a shot into each glass. Lane raises her glass and sniffs it.]

LANE: Whoa.

MRS. KIM: Lane. It's been six weeks since you come home. You have grieved, and now we move on.

[Lane looks at her glass and nods. Mrs. Kim smiles at her, holds her glass up and knocks it back. Lane does the same. They look at each other.]

MRS. KIM: One more.

[She pours them another round.]

 

LORELAI'S HOUSE - BEDROOM

[Lorelai is examining her dress, hanging on the closet door. Paul Anka comes in and barks.]

LORELAI: Hey, buddy. [He barks again.] Yeah, there is something weird about it, right? [He barks again.] What, what is it?

[She pulls the dress aside and opens the closet door. Paul Anka goes in and takes a shoe, then runs off. Lorelai sighs. The phone rings.]

LORELAI: Hello?

[Scene cuts between Lorelai’s bedroom and Rory in the Yale cafeteria.]

RORY: Guess who's crazy?

LORELAI: Who?

RORY: Me.

LORELAI: You? Since when?

RORY: Since I went all Francis Farmer in my psychologist's evaluation today.

LORELAI: All right, I'm on the bed and comfortable. Should I get popcorn or is it a shorter story than that?

RORY: I went home from class to get ready for the appointment, and Logan was there.

LORELAI: At your apartment?

RORY: In the hallway. And of course I couldn't get my door open fast enough so we started talking.

LORELAI: What did he say?

RORY: He said he loved me.

LORELAI: No way.

RORY: And it completely threw me. And I got out of there as fast as I could, but then I got to Dr. Shapiro's office, and he started peppering me with all these questions and I just got more and more upset. Then I exploded all over the place. I went through two boxes of Kleenex, I started hyperventilating and I had to breathe into a paper bag.

LORELAI: Do you believe him?

RORY: Believe who?

LORELAI: Logan. You believe he loves you?

RORY: I don't know, I guess I can figure that out next week, in therapy.

LORELAI: What?

RORY: After my little meltdown, Dr. Shapiro thinks I should come see him once a week for the next two months.

LORELAI [concerned]: You're kidding.

RORY: There are no jokes in the mental health field. Only hand puppets, ink blots and inflatable anger bats.

LORELAI: I'm so sorry you're a nut.

RORY: Oh, that's okay. I'm sure Dr. Shapiro has a nice padded room for me.

LORELAI: Well, don't let them put you on any of those pills. Tom Cruise would be very upset.

RORY: All right. I should go, I have a massive amount of reading to do, I just wanted to call and say hi.

LORELAI: Okay. Remember, blame it all on Grandma.

RORY: Will do.

LORELAI: Bye.

RORY: Bye.

[They hang up. Lorelai glances back over at her dress.]

 

LUKE'S APARMENT

[Luke stands, staring at the phone sitting on the table. He suddenly pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket, unfolding it quickly. He picks up the phone and dials the number on the paper. The scene cuts between the apartment and Anna's house.]

ANNA [picks up the phone]: Hold on. [She drops it on the floor.]

LUKE: Hello?

ANNA [calling out]: Just a sec, major pillow emergency happening here!

LUKE: What? Anna!

ANNA [picks up the phone]: Sorry. Hi. Who is this?

LUKE: It's, uh, Luke.

ANNA: Luke. Wow, when it rains it -

LUKE: I saw her website.

ANNA: Her -

LUKE: I saw her pictures. The one in the lab, and the one with the Christmas tree, and you never told me she wore a back brace! Why was she wearing a back brace?

ANNA: Oh, she had just read 'Deenie'. It was a phase.

LUKE: Well, still, I should have known!

ANNA: That she had just read 'Deenie'?

LUKE: Yes, and that she was going through a phase and that she was a science whiz and that she wore crazy bike helmets and glasses and looked like me!

ANNA: Just the nose!

LUKE: The nose is something! I mean, there's no one else running around with my nose.

ANNA: That you know of.

LUKE [shocked]: Is this funny to you?

ANNA: No. Sorry.

LUKE: You should have told me.

ANNA: Luke, we went through this already.

LUKE: I want contact.

ANNA: What?

LUKE: A relationship. I want to talk to her and see her on a regular basis.

ANNA: But you said -

LUKE: I don't care what I said, this is what I want. I want to know my own daughter and I want her to know me!

ANNA [pauses]: Okay.

LUKE: Really?

ANNA: Well, it's really up to April, but if she's cool, I'm cool.

LUKE: Oh. So, um, is, uh, April there now?

ANNA: No. But she'll be home pretty soon. Can I have her call you?

LUKE: Yes. No!

ANNA: No?

LUKE: I should call her.

ANNA: She'll definitely be back at eight.

LUKE: Then I will call back at eight.

ANNA: Okay.

LUKE: Thanks.

ANNA: You're welcome.

LUKE: Hey, Anna?

ANNA: Yeah?

LUKE: What the heck is 'Deenie'?

ANNA [laughs]: The gospel according to Judy Blume.

LUKE: What?

ANNA: It's a book, Luke. And now would probably be a good time for you to read it. Bye.

LUKE: Bye.

[They hang up.]

 

LORELAI'S HOUSE

[Luke comes in the front door. He calls upstairs.]

LUKE: Lorelai?

LORELAI [from upstairs]: Uh, Luke, I'm upstairs!

LUKE: Yeah, uh, can you come down? I have to talk to you about something.

LORELAI [OS]: Okay, yes, I will come down, but I'm coming down in my wedding dress!

LUKE: What? No!

LORELAI: Yes!

LUKE: It's bad luck for me to see the wedding dress.

LORELAI: I know, but I need you to see this dress. There's something not right up here. It was too easy. I can't be objective anymore.

LUKE: But -

LORELAI: I'm coming down!

LUKE: I don't -

[Lorelai comes down in the dress and veil.]

LORELAI: Well?

LUKE [stunned]: It's - you're perfect.

LORELAI: Really? Have you seen the back? I think the train's a little weird,

and I can still take it back if you don't think -

LUKE: It's perfect.

LORELAI: Are you sure?

[Luke kisses her. She smiles.]

LORELAI: Okay. It's not bad luck if it's under five minutes. [She runs back upstairs. Luke watches her, then sighs.]

END