[Stars Hollow. Lorelai is walking down the sidewalk carrying a large bag of
shoes. She nearly runs into Miss Patty.]
MISS PATTY: Whoa, honey!
LORELAI: Oh, I'm sorry Patty, I didn't see you there!
MISS PATTY: Goodness, what's left to wear on your feet?
LORELAI: I know, it's a sickness. Everyone thinks it started with Bradshaw
but actually it came over on the Mayflower.
MISS PATTY: Oh, well, what a wonderful history lesson.
LORELAI: Any time.
[A man inside the shoe repair shop starts yelling in Italian and a boot
flies out the door.]
LORELAI: Oh! What the -
MISS PATTY: Pasquale's feeling unappreciated again.
LORELAI: We had "Star's Hollow Loves Pasquale Day" last week!
MISS PATTY: Didn't stick. Oh, listen, I want to invite you to my anniversary
party!
LORELAI: Absolutely! Which husband?
MISS PATTY: Oh, no husband, honey, I'm talking about a lover that's been far
more loyal and seductive than a husband. I'm talking about that business we
call show!
LORELAI: Ah!
MISS PATTY: Forty years!
LORELAI: No!
MISS PATTY: Forty years ago today, I did my first play, off Broadway.
LORELAI: Off Broadway?
MISS PATTY: Cleveland.
LORELAI: That is off Broadway.
MISS PATTY: Anyhow, I thought I'd throw a big party. Food, booze, a little
song, a little dance, a little salsa down your pants.
LORELAI: Well, count me and my pants in. [She reaches down to pick up the
bag of shoes.]
MISS PATTY: Oh! Wonderful!
LORELAI: I will even drag Luke there. So if there's any audience
participation, please pick on him.
MISS PATTY: Oh, Luke won't come.
LORELAI: Sure he will, I have very effective methods of persuasion. They
include extremely high heels and all of Jessica Simpson's bath products.
MISS PATTY: No, honey, the party's on Tuesday, the 30th.
LORELAI: So?
MISS PATTY: So, the 30th is the "dark day".
LORELAI [drops the shoes]: What dark day?
MISS PATTY: Luke's "dark day". The day that he disappears.
LORELAI: Disappears? Where?
MISS PATTY: Nobody knows. Nobody knows where he goes or what he does, all we
know is not to try and find him.
LORELAI: Why didn't I know about this?
MISS PATTY: I don't know, honey, everyone else does. Anyhow, you come
yourself, okay? Eight o'clock!
LORELAI: I'll be there. See you Tuesday, Patty. [She picks up her bag and
walks into the shoe repair shop.] Ah! Pasquale, the Maestro! My God, you
look virile today. Are you sure your wife won't share you?
MISS PATTY: Oh, she's good.
[opening credits]
[Yale dorms: Rory's common room. Paris is on the couch talking to Terrence,
her life coach.]
PARIS: I don't agree.
TERRENCE: You're living in a fantasy world.
PARIS: I have classes all day long.
[Rory enters.]
TERRENCE: I hear you protesting.
PARIS: I've got a double major of poli-sci and bio-chem, Terrence!
TERRENCE: I see you over-scheduling.
RORY: Sorry, I'm just getting a water here. [She quietly putters around the
room.]
TERRENCE: Paris, you're not yelling at me, you're yelling at the world.
PARIS: I'm not yelling at all. This is the natural register of my voice.
TERRENCE: It's the register of a timid little girl who is not putting
herself out there.
PARIS: I am putting myself out there!
TERRENCE: Why are you arguing with Terrence? Why?
PARIS: Look. I know I haven't dated lately, but Asher was very important to
me.
RORY: Hey Paris, I can't find my notebook? The black one with all the yellow
notes in it.
TERRENCE [ignoring Rory]: You have not put yourself out there.
PARIS: He just died.
TERRENCE: Oh, for God's sake, he was halfway dead when you met him. [To
Rory] Rory, has she been putting herself out there or not?
RORY: Out where?
TERRENCE: Out in the world. Has she tried to meet men since Asher died?
PARIS: You don't just meet people! It doesn't happen.
RORY: Um, I'll just go in my room now. [Starts to collect her stuff, notices
a note on the couch. She looks concerned as she reads it.]
TERRENCE: Look at your dream log, you are months behind. And your pretty
thoughts journal.
PARIS: Okay, fine. I have neglected thinking pretty. But I hardly think I
should be penalized for time lost while you were in court ordered rehab!
RORY: Hey Paris, what's this?
[Paris glances at her, then turns back to Terrence.]
TERRENCE: I had a back problem. The prescription was at home in my
File-o-fax.
RORY: This is a message from Headmaster Charleston. When did Headmaster
Charleston call?
PARIS: Earlier.
RORY: And you didn't tell me? [She dials her phone.]
PARIS: I'm in session.
RORY: Hello, Headmaster Charleston, this is Rory Gilmore. I'm sorry it took
so long to call you back, I just got your message.
TERRENCE [To Rory]: Sweetie, that was a little passive-aggressive. We should
talk later.
RORY [goes into her room and closes the door]: So, um, how are you?
HEADMASTER: I'm very well. How are you enjoying Yale?
RORY: I love it!
HEADMASTER: Is it everything you thought it would be?
RORY: It's nothing like I thought it would be, it's better actually.
HEADMASTER: I have no doubt. Now, I'm calling because we often ask a former
Chilton student to host a prospective Yale student for a couple of days.
Show them around, let them observe classes, campus life, that sort of thing.
I was wondering if you'd be interested.
RORY: Me?
HEADMASTER: Yes, this is a very special young lady. Bright, focused, quietly
determined. She reminds me a great deal of you.
RORY: Thank you.
HEADMASTER: I assume you haven't changed.
RORY: Well, I've upgraded the wardrobe a little bit, but I'm basically still
me.
HEADMASTER: Excellent. Then I hope you'll consider accepting. I know your
workload must be substantial.
RORY: That's okay. I can handle it.
HEADMASTER: So I can take that as a yes?
RORY: Yes. Take it as a yes. And thank you, I'm honored.
HEADMASTER: Her name is Anna Fairchild. She's sixteen years old and she'll
be arriving Monday morning at nine o'clock. Does that work for you?
RORY: That works perfectly.
HEADMASTER: Very well, it's a date. I'm very glad to talk to you again, Miss
Gilmore. Yale certainly sounds like it's agreeing with you. I hope it will
also agree with Miss Fairchild.
RORY: Like Sabrina!
HEADMASTER: I beg your pardon?
RORY: Sabrina Fairchild, that was her name.
HEADMASTER: Have we segued into discussing a movie?
RORY: And we can segue right out again.
HEADMASTER: I'm very grateful for that. All right then, my office will be
contacting you with the particulars. I hope you have a wonderful time. I'm
sure Miss Fairchild will.
RORY: Thank you, Headmaster Charleston, I won't let you down.
HEADMASTER: What I nice thing to hear. I'm sure we'll be talking soon.
Good-bye.
RORY: Good-bye. [She hangs up her cell phone, looking proud and excited.]
[Elder Gilmore's pool house.]
RICHARD: Well this is a very big honor, you know.
RORY: Oh, I know.
RICHARD: Of all the Chilton alumni at Yale, they're asking you.
RORY: I know! I know.
RICHARD: Well, have you thought about what kinds of things you'd like to
show her?
RORY: Well, she'll go to all of my classes with me, of course. And then I
thought she'd got to the paper with me and then I thought maybe a trip to
the Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript library.
RICHARD: Oh, you're going to show her the Gutenberg.
LORELAI: Steve?
RICHARD: Bible.
LORELAI: Right.
RORY: Then I was torn between taking her to the Hewitt Memorial Quadrangle
or the Science Center and gymnasium.
RICHARD: Huh. That is a conundrum.
LORELAI: Yeah, especially since she'll be snoring by then, you'll just be
dragging her dead body weight around the campus.
RICHARD: Lorelai, these things are of great interest to any young person
considering attending Yale.
LORELAI: Oh, I am sure.
RORY: I, personally, would enjoy every single thing on my list.
LORELAI: Yes, I know. But it wouldn't hurt to maybe throw a little something
fun in. I'm not talking a kegger, but just walk her by the crazy drama
students yelling "Give me a location" or something like that.
RICHARD: You know, your mother may be right.
LORELAI: Who heard that?
RICHARD: Well, a good college experience is a well-rounded college
experience. It's important for you to show her that Yale students have fun,
too. Oh, have her touch the toe!
RORY: Yeah!
LORELAI: Touch the toe?
RORY [excited]: The toe! The statue of Theodore Woolsey. It brings good luck
to everyone who touches his feet. And for that reason he has one left toe
that's been rubbed completely shiny.
LORELAI [sarcastic]: Wow, that is fun! Make sure you get a parent consent
form for that one.
RICHARD: Oh, it is so exciting watching you at Yale. Such a wonderful time
for me. The people that you meet there will stay with you for the rest of
your life, mark my words. Tell me, are you making good friends?
RORY: Yeah, I have some good friends.
RICHARD: And what about Mr. Huntzberger?
LORELAI: Who's Mr. Huntzberger?
RORY [self-conscious]: Um, Logan Huntzberger's a boy I go to school with.
RICHARD: A fine boy, from a fine family.
LORELAI: You know him?
RICHARD: His parents are very good friends of ours. Oh, you know Mitchum
Huntzberger, Lorelai!
LORELAI: No.
RICHARD: He's been coming to our Christmas parties for years.
LORELAI: No.
RICHARD: His mother's on the pediatric hospital committee with your mother.
LORELAI [gasps with recognition]: Oh! …No.
RICHARD: Well, Logan is their son. [To Rory] And I noticed that you two
seemed to be hitting it off the other night?
LORELAI: The other night?
RORY: He's very nice, Grandpa. [She seems very hesitant to talk about
Logan.]
RICHARD: I don't want to be too forward, but you made a handsome couple.
LORELAI: Uh, was this Logan at the "Male Yale" party you threw?
RORY: He's the one who gave me a ride home, Mom.
LORELAI: Oh, Limo boy. Swell.
RORY: He's also on the paper with me.
RICHARD: You know, his father owns some of the finest papers in the country.
RORY: I know.
RICHARD: Not a bad connection, huh? Nope, not a bad connection at all.
[Outside the pool house. Lorelai and Rory are walking to the main house.]
LORELAI: Hey! So tell me about this Logan.
RORY: It's three degrees out here.
LORELAI: Uh, as of tonight my father knows way more personal dish about you
than I do. That's not right or fair. He doesn't get as much enjoyment out of
the dish as I do. For him the dish is always half empty.
RORY: You're just talking to keep yourself warm, aren't you?
LORELAI: What is the deal with this guy? Are you dating?
RORY: No, we're not dating! He's just a friend.
LORELAI: How close? For example, if we freeze to death will he come to the
funeral or just send a nice fruit basket?
RORY: I know him from school, he's just a casual friend, that's it.
LORELAI: Do you think he's cute?
RORY: What does it matter if I think he's cute?
LORELAI: Uh, it matters to me. I don't want ugly grandchildren.
RORY: Mom, I'm not dating Logan or anyone. Since Dean, I'm taking a boy
break, okay? I'm just concentrating on school, that's it.
LORELAI: Fine. If that changes?
RORY: You'll be the first to know.
LORELAI: ‘Kay. Thank you. 'Cause there are not many ways I can outdo my
father.
RORY: I know.
LORELAI: Info on you and looking better in chiffon, that's about it. Oh, and
my pole-dance is way hotter.
RORY [impatient]: I'm frozen now.
LORELAI: Okay. Let's go.
[Luke's apartment. Lorelai walks in wearing Luke's flannel and carrying
plates of food.]
LORELAI: In my hand, ladies and gentlemen, sits the true advantage of dating
a diner owner. [She closes the door with her foot.] I am never more than ten
feet away from pie.
LUKE: Ah, see, I thought it was the way we always smell faintly of meat. [He
brings her a drink as she crawls into bed.]
LORELAI: Oh, it's heaven! One quick trip downstairs and I have all the
treats I want. You're like Willy Wonka but hotter.
LUKE: I am not hotter than Willy Wonka.
LORELAI: Slap on a purple top hat and you're close.
[Luke stretches out on the bed with his eyes closed while Lorelai watches
him. There is a relaxed, comfortable pause.]
LORELAI: This is nice.
LUKE: Mm-hmm.
LORELAI: I think it's going very well, you and me. You think it's going very
well?
LUKE [eyes still closed]: I have very few complaints.
LORELAI: Hmm. I'm going right past the very few complaints comment, 'cause I
know you're just trying to bait me. What complaints? [She looks desperate.]
[Luke chuckles.]
LORELAI: Hey, so Luke? Miss Patty is celebrating her forty year anniversary.
LUKE [Looks over at her]: Which husband?
LORELAI: With the business we call show.
LUKE: Oh, him.
LORELAI: And she's having a big party and I told her we'd go.
LUKE [grimaces]: Oh, man.
LORELAI: It'll be fun.
LUKE: It will not be fun.
LORELAI: She'll be wearing tap shoes, and there'll be songs and punch and at
least one story about Milton Berle's penis.
LUKE: Only one?
LORELAI: Come on! I have to have you there. Otherwise people will think I
made you up.
LUKE: Fine. I'll go.
LORELAI: Thank you. Okay, so it's Tuesday at eight o'clock.
LUKE [tenses and sits up]: I can't go Tuesday.
LORELAI: Why not?
LUKE: I have to go out of town.
LORELAI: Why?
LUKE: Business.
LORELAI: Business? Now you're Willy Loman?
LUKE: Banking business in Woodbury, standing appointment. Sorry. Hit the
light, will you? [He leans over and pecks her cheek.] I have to get up
early. 'Night.
[He turns off the lamp on his side, and rolls onto his side, his back to
Lorelai.]
LORELAI [stunned, in the dark]: Okay. 'Night.
[Yale dorms: Rory's common room. She enters holding a large plastic bag.]
RORY: Wait till you see all the stuff I got for Anna. Yale tee-shirt.
Bulldogs sweatshirt. Yale baseball cap. Visor. Coffee mug. [Starts digging
in the bag, then looks up at Paris at her craft table.] I told you to open a
window when you're hot gluing in here.
PARIS: It's freezing outside.
RORY: Oh, wait. This is new, they just came out with this. [She holds it
up.] The Yale soda cozy. How cute is that?
PARIS: I can't believe you. You don't even have your loser card-swiping job
anymore, and you're buying all this crap for some kid you don't even know?
RORY: I'm trying to make her feel welcome.
PARIS [negative]: Oh, she'll feel welcome. They all feel welcome.
RORY: Who's "they"?
PARIS: The enemy.
RORY: Who's the enemy?
PARIS: Any girl under the age of seventeen is the enemy.
RORY: Okay, I'm opening a window now.
PARIS: They're coming for everything. They're going to take our jobs, our
thunder, our starter husbands.
RORY: Don't you have a class to get to?
PARIS: They're coming, Rory. They're coming, and they are going to keep on
coming. Like the locusts descending on Mankato. We'll be beating them off
for the rest of our lives.
RORY: Please don't be here when she arrives, I don't want you to scare her
off.
PARIS: Me? Scare her off? Please. She's the one with the alabaster skin and
the perky breasts.
[A knock at the door. Rory goes to answer it.]
RORY: Do not say "perky breasts" to her, do you understand me?
PARIS: Eve Harrington has arrived.
[Rory opens the door.]
ANNA: Hi. I'm looking for Rory Gilmore?
RORY: I'm Rory, you must be Anna.
ANNA: Yes.
RORY: Great, come in. You find it okay?
ANNA [cheerful]: I got lost a couple of times, but people were really nice
and got me here.
PARIS [phony brightness]: Yeah, it's a friendly world out there, isn't it?
RORY: Anna, this is my roommate Paris, and I'm sorry.
ANNA: For what?
RORY: Trust me.
ANNA: Okay.
RORY: Okay, let me show you around the place. [Pointing] That is Paris'
room.
PARIS: Don't go in.
RORY: That is my room, and this is the common room which is also your
bedroom. Bathroom is literally outside the door. [She helps Anna with her
luggage.] And there's a fridge, with water or soda or whatever you want -
oh! And I got you some welcome to Yale gifts!
ANNA: Oh! Really? [She looks into the bag] Thank you.
RORY: I'm really glad you're here. You are going to love Yale, it's an
amazing place. I mean, I was excited when I first started here, but every
day is different and better. You have no idea how much there is to learn.
It's - oh, well, you'll see.
[Marty knocks on the door and comes in, carrying a paper bag.]
MARTY: Okay. I actually snagged us some caviar. They were all out of toast
points, but I think we can use Doritos and achieve a very similar result.
[Notices Anna.] Hey.
RORY: This is Anna.
MARTY [gasps excitedly]: Did Paris move?
PARIS [from behind him]: I'm right here, Marty.
MARTY: I know, Paris.
RORY: Anna is from Chilton, my alma mater, and I'm showing her around Yale
for a couple days.
MARTY: Oh, cool. I'll put this in the fridge. [Paris clears her throat.] In
my room. [He turns to leave.]
RORY: Thanks! [To Anna] Okay, you ready?
ANNA: I'm ready. You have boys bringing you food?
RORY: Yale is a magical place, Anna. [Smirks at Paris as they exit.] A
magical, magical place.
[Yale campus, outside. Rory and Anna walking. Anna is taking notes as Rory
talks.]
RORY: The oldest part of the campus is, of course, the old campus, and it
houses most of the undergraduate freshman class. It was begun be Theodore
Dwight Woolsey, president of Yale from 1846 to 1871. Over here is the Elihu
Yale bench. [They stop in front of it.] Now, Eli Yale was an officer in the
British East Indian Company. He gave what was then called the Collegiate
School 562 pounds and 417 books and a portrait of King George the first. And
so it was renamed in his honor. He actually gave an additional 500 pounds to
the school but Yale College never recieved it because he mistakenly sent it
to the non-existing Collegiate School, apparently forgetting that Yale was
named after him. [She frowns] Oh, wait. This is the wrong bench. So keep the
story, but cross out the diagram. Moving on.
[Yale campus, interior hallway.]
RORY: There's actually an ongoing rumor that you can automatically graduate
and earn your degree if you become sufficiently fluent in Latin, Greek and
Hebrew. Imagine all the tables you could wait with those skills, huh? [She
smiles at her joke as they stop in front of a door.] Okay. You are about to
get a first-hand feel of what it's like to work on a real newspaper. Now be
prepared. It is an extremely hectic, fast-paced environment. Don't get
intimidated and don't get in the way. Ready? [She pauses for suspense, then
opens the door to the newspaper office.] Here it is.
[The office is nearly empty. The few people there are working quietly or
reading.]
RORY: Everyone must be out getting a scoop or something. [They walk in.] But
you just wait. It can heat up in a second, and when it does, man, watch out.
My desk is over here.
[Paris storms out of Doyle's office, with Doyle right behind her.]
PARIS: I do not care!
DOYLE: Hey! I am your editor, Paris, and I demand that you tell me!
PARIS: I won't tell you where I got it, Doyle.
DOYLE: You will if you want to stay on this newspaper!
RORY: Okay, you are now privy to one of the classic journalistic dilemmas
between reporter and editor - the right to protect sources.
DOYLE: Damn it, Paris, you tell me where you got that pen right now!
PARIS: The pen fairy.
[Anna looks at Rory, amused.]
DOYLE: That is one of my personal fine point gel tipped pens from my bottom
right hand drawer. And you went into that drawer and you took that pen and
it's mine!
RORY: Okay. For "fine point gel tips" substitute "confidential source deep
within the administration". Huh? You get a little thrill, don't you?
[Anna smiles politely. Rory's cell phone rings.]
RORY: Hang on a sec. [Answers her phone] Hey.
LORELAI: Question. Have you ever heard anything about Luke's "dark day"?
RORY: His what?
[Scene cuts from Yale to the Dragonfly's library, where Lorelai is putting
books away.]
LORELAI: Well, one day a year he apparently has a "dark day". No one knows
where he goes or what he does, he just disappears.
RORY: I've heard nothing about this.
LORELAI: Okay, well, did we see him on November 30th last year?
RORY: How am I supposed to know?
LORELAI: Because, you keep all those crazy anal Bob Graham kind of
notebooks. "Eight a.m., got up. Eight fifteen, brushed teeth. Eight
twenty-five, had impure thoughts. Eight thirty-six, sent dwarves off to
work."
RORY: I do not have my diaries from last November on me at the moment.
LORELAI: But you do have them.
RORY: Yes.
LORELAI: And they will contain where we ate breakfast that morning.
RORY [a little embarrassed]: Yes.
LORELAI [grinning]: I love my little circus freak.
RORY: I call you later.
LORELAI: Hey, did your Mini-Me show up?
RORY: Yeah, her name's Anna. She's right here.
LORELAI: Oh, how's the tour going?
RORY: It's going great.
LORELAI: How many boring bench lectures did you give? [Kirk approaches her.]
RORY: Two. But they were about the same bench.
LORELAI: Oh, you know what? I have someone standing abnormally close to me
right now. I'll call you later?
RORY: Okay, say hi to Kirk for me.
LORELAI [laughs]: 'Kay, bye. [hangs up.] Kirk! What can I do for you?
KIRK: I have a business proposition for you.
LORELAI: Okay.
KIRK: How often do you slip in your tub?
LORELAI: Never.
KIRK: Okay, it doesn't work if you answer like that, so -
LORELAI: Constantly. I never stop slipping even when I get out.
KIRK: I thought so. Then my new line of bath and shower adhesive decals are
for you. [He shows her the catalogue he is carrying.]
LORELAI: Huh. "Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow."
KIRK: Yesterday's retro designs in today's fashion colors with tomorrow's
traction technology.
LORELAI: Well, Kirk this looks very impressive. And wow, very expensive.
KIRK: Well, it's yesterday's retro designs in today's fashion colors with
tomorrow's traction technology.
LORELAI: Hmm. Well, why don't you leave the catalogue with me and I'll look
it over?
KIRK: Could you look at it now? It's the only one I have.
LORELAI: Okay.
KIRK [pointing]: I like that one. If you put the fishes’ faces together it
looks like they're kissing.
[Lorelai snickers and sits down with the catalogue.]
LORELAI: Oh, hey, Kirk. Do you know anything about Luke's dark day?
KIRK: Everyone knows about Luke's dark day.
LORELAI: Do you know what it is?
KIRK: Not the details, just that he has it once a year. I think it goes back
a long, long time.
LORELAI: Yeah?
KIRK: Sure, I mean, Luke's always had a touch of darkness in him. I guess we
all do, but Luke's a little more touched than some. He's kind of grabbed,
actually.
LORELAI: What do you think it's about?
KIRK: When I was in seventh grade, Luke knocked the books out of my hands.
LORELAI: Because of his dark day?
KIRK: No, everyone knocked my books out of my hands. I was kind of a target.
I used to wear a cape to school.
[Lorelai seems to be trying not to laugh, then looks back in the catalogue.]
[Yale library. Rory and Anna enter.]
RORY: Now, outside, we just passed the women's table, which was designed by
Maya Lin. She's also the one who designed the Vietnam War memorial, which,
by the way, originally was a class project for which she received a 'B'. The
teacher who gave the 'B' also submitted a design for the war memorial, but
hers was chosen. His was not. That's a life lesson to remember. This is
Sterling Memorial Library. One of my favorite places on campus. It was built
in 1930 and it houses over one third of the University's ten million
volumes. [Anna's attention wanders.] I love libraries. I just spend I can't
tell you how many hours just - you're not writing.
ANNA: Oh. Sorry.
RORY: I come here sometimes late at night -
ANNA: I just love how everybody's dressed.
RORY: What?
ANNA: No uniforms. I love that there's no uniforms. College, to me, means no
more uniforms.
RORY: Oh, right. However, wait till you're late for class and it takes you
twenty minutes to put together an outfit. Suddenly you'll miss those
uniforms.
ANNA: How many guys have you dated since you've been here?
RORY: Oh, well, none from Yale. Anyhow, the books - are you seeing the
books? [She pulls an ancient looking book off the shelf.] Everything you'd
want to read is right here. Feel it. [She hands the book to Anna, and takes
another one for herself.] Feels good, right? Now smell it. [Rory smells her
book and sighs.] Nothing, nothing smells like that.
LOGAN [approaching]: I'm sorry, excuse me - did I just see you smell that
book?
RORY: Hey, Logan.
LOGAN [smiles]: Hey, Ace. Who's your friend?
RORY: Oh, Anna, this is Logan. Logan, this is Anna, she's from my high
school. I'm showing her around campus.
ANNA: Hi.
LOGAN [charming]: High school? Naw, I woulda sworn you were a college girl.
[Anna smiles back flirtatiously and giggles]
LOGAN: So is she showing you a good time?
RORY: I'm showing her everything important.
LOGAN: Mm. Good. Make sure she takes you by the pub. Local place, everyone
goes there.
RORY: I'm not taking her to the pub.
ANNA: Oh, please? The pub sounds fun.
LOGAN: You don't have to drink, they do have coffee. It's a cool scene, make
her take you. [To Rory] Bring a book to sniff!
RORY: What are you doing in a library anyhow?
LOGAN: Got lost. Don't tell anyone I was here, ruin my rep. Anna, it's been
a pleasure. See you, Ace. [smiles as he walks away.]
ANNA: He's cute.
RORY [re-shelving the books]: Yes, he is. But not as cute as Pushkin. Right
this way, missy.
[Stars Hollow: Lorelai is driving down the street. She sees Luke yelling at
an old woman in her driveway. She stops and gets out.]
LUKE: I'm not being mean, I'm just - Fine! Do whatever you want!
MRS. THOMPSON: Well I'm sorry you're so upset!
LUKE: Well, you're giving me a week's notice! What am I supposed to do with
a week's notice?
MRS. THOMPSON: Well my son just called me from Florida, telling me about the
condo, Luke!
LUKE: Okay fine, go! And enjoy Florida, I hear they have great weather
there. Terrific hurricanes! Make sure you bring plenty of plywood and
bottled water!
LORELAI [brightly]: Hey, hi, hello!
LUKE: What are you doing here?
LORELAI: I was just driving down the street and I saw you guys, thought I'd
stop by and say hey, hi, hello. Hello Mrs. Thompson.
MRS. THOMPSON: Hello, dear.
LORELAI: So, what's going on?
LUKE: Nothing. Nothing's going on.
MRS. THOMPSON: Luke, please understand there's nothing I can do! I've
already found someone else to rent the house and they have cars!
LUKE: And you just agreed to that!
MRS. THOMPSON: Well, it seemed rather reasonable to me!
LUKE: Oh, come on! [He stomps off to fume near the garage.]
LORELAI: Um -
MRS. THOMPSON: Luke's very upset with me.
LORELAI: Why?
MRS. THOMPSON: Well, his father rented the garage, he was building a boat
and he didn't have room at his place, so he paid me to do it here. And then
when he died, Luke continued to pay me for the garage, and now I'm moving to
a nursing home and I need him to move his boat!
LORELAI [shocked]: You're mad because this little old lady is moving to a
nursing home and you have to move your boat. Is this really the story you
want to stick to?
LUKE: She called me out of the blue, and I've paid for an entire month.
MRS. THOMPSON: I can give you a partial refund if you like.
LUKE: Where am I supposed to find a space to store a boat on a moment's
notice? Huh? Did you think about that for even a second?
MRS. THOMPSON: Could we sit down? The doctor says the screw in my hip is
loose.
LORELAI: Yes, yes, let's sit and calmly try to figure this out.
LUKE [angrily]: No, no, I've got it figured out. Just haul it off! Trash it!
MRS. THOMPSON: Haul what off?
LORELAI: The boat?
LUKE: Yes, the boat. Scrap it. Find somebody to drag it away and cut it up
for firewood!
LORELAI: Oh, now Luke -
MRS. THOMPSON: Who's going to haul it off?
LUKE: Anyone. Just find a guy with a truck and a hook. Strap it on and drive
it away and send me the bill. I'm done!
[Luke stomps away; Lorelai chases after him.]
LORELAI: Luke - we'll be right back. Luke, stop! What, what and what?
LUKE: I have paid that woman every month for fifteen years!
LORELAI: Luke, she's moving to a nursing home!
LUKE: And my dad was paying her every month for twenty years before that!
LORELAI: Nursing home, Luke!
LUKE: I know where she's going!
LORELAI: She's not trying to hurt you.
LUKE: Whatever.
LORELAI: Hey, where are you going?
LUKE: Back to the diner.
LORELAI: Let me drive you.
LUKE: No.
LORELAI: Look, I can drive you back to the diner. I promise if we pass any
senior citizens I'll let you jump out and pants them.
LUKE [rolls his eyes]: Fine.
[The Jeep pulls up in front of the diner. Luke is fuming silently, as
Lorelai chatters.]
LORELAI: And here we have the world famous Luke's diner, home of the best
coffee on the east coast and the most delightful and chatty proprietor since
Mel kissed Flo's grits. [silence] Okay, well, I should get back to the Inn.
I hope you've enjoyed your tour and don't forget to buy yourself a souvenir
plastic monkey on the way out.
[After a pause, Luke shifts in his seat.]
LUKE: Tomorrow's the anniversary of my dad's death.
LORELAI [sympathetic]: Oh - oh, hon...
LUKE: And every year on that anniversary... I disappear. I don't work. I
don't talk to anyone. I get in kind of a funk - it's like... um -
LORELAI: You have a "dark day".
LUKE: Yeah. I have a dark day. I thought I should tell you this because
we're in a relationship, and I thought you might wonder why I suddenly don't
answer the phone, or I'm not around. Why you can't flip your hair and con me
into going to Miss Patty's crazy anniversary party.
LORELAI [smiles]: The hair flip is that effective, huh?
LUKE: Combine that with your black dress, you could probably get me to be
your backup dancer.
LORELAI: I'll remember that.
LUKE: I've never told anyone this before. I don't really like to talk about
it.
LORELAI: I guess that explains the thing with Mrs. Thompson.
LUKE: Yeah. Some timing, her springing this boat thing on me now. I'll
apologize to her. [He sighs.] You know, I never finished that boat. It's
been sitting there half done for fifteen years.
LORELAI: Hey, Luke, don't you think you might have been a little hasty about
the boat decision? I mean, you were upset, and I bet some day you're going
to be really sorry you don't have that boat anymore.
LUKE [gazing out the window]: No, it's better she gets rid of the thing now.
LORELAI: But -
LUKE: I haven't even looked at that boat since my dad got sick. Not a
glance, nothing.
LORELAI: Even more reason.
LUKE: If it's gone, then I don't have to deal with it. It's time to move on,
you know?
LORELAI: But -
LUKE: I'm fine. Really. Thanks for the ride.
LORELAI: Any time. [They kiss, Luke exits.]
[The pub. Rory and Anna enter.]
ANNA: I love it here!
RORY: You love it here? We just walked in!
ANNA: I know, but it feels so collegiate!
RORY: Actually, you know what is great about this place?
ANNA: Eli Yale drank here?
RORY: No, they make amazing cappuccinos. You want one?
ANNA: Yeah.
RORY: Okay. You go sit and I'll get the coffees. [at the counter] Two
cappuccinos, please.
BARTENDER: Sure thing.
[Marty joins Rory at the bar.]
MARTY: Hey.
RORY: Hi, you just get here?
MARTY: Yep.
RORY: You want a - [gestures at the bar]
MARTY: Yes, please.
RORY [calls to the bartender]: I'm sorry, could you make that three
cappuccinos?
MARTY: So how's it going?
RORY: I think I may have overwhelmed Anna. Her hand cramped up about an hour
ago, and it's been smasming ever since.
MARTY: Really? Where is she?
RORY: She's right there - [gestures to where Anna is sitting. Two college
guys have joined her.] I turn around for one minute. [She heads back to the
table.] Excuse me.
ANNA: Rory, Mark and Matthew were just telling me about a great party
tonight.
RORY: Really, well that was very nice of them. Thank you, Matthew and Mark,
was it?
MARK: That's right.
RORY: Well, how biblical. Okay, well, our schedule is completely full at the
moment, but if that changes - if things lighten up, or if she suddenly ages
two years in the next three hours, then we'll know where to find you. Okay?
Bye-bye, now. Bye-bye.
[Rory sits as Marty brings the coffee.]
MARK: We'll be over here, just in case.
[Anna nods.]
ANNA [whining]: Rory!
RORY: Anna!
ANNA: Well this is so not fair. You get to talk to boys.
RORY: What?
ANNA: Well, you were over there talking to Marty.
RORY [laughs]: That's different. Marty's just a friend. Which is another
great thing about college. You learn to have guy friends. Nothing romantic,
just a good pal. [Marty looks pained.] Those boys are not interested in your
friendship, unless the word "friendship" is tattooed on your butt. Now drink
your coffee. [They take a sip.] It's good, huh?
[Anna nods.]
[Yale dorms: Rory's common room. Rory and Anna are in their pajamas.]
ANNA: Can I sleep with the TV on?
RORY: Um, yeah, as long as you don't wake Paris up, and that advice is for
your own good.
ANNA: And if I can't go to sleep?
RORY: Then you don't go to sleep.
ANNA: I love that! I love not having someone to tell me when to go to sleep.
RORY: Yes, it's great.
ANNA [Giddy]: I love sleeping with the TV on, and I love having no parents
around, and I love cappuccino, and I love apple muffins, and I love college!
[Paris comes out of her room, dressed to go out.]
PARIS: What's she on?
RORY: Four cappuccinos and three Red Bulls from the fridge.
PARIS: Enjoy your night. How do I look?
RORY: Where are you going?
PARIS: I'm putting myself out there, Rory.
RORY: Now?
PARIS: Yes now.
RORY: It's eleven o'clock at night, who are you hoping to hook up with now,
Spike and Drusilla?
PARIS: Just tell me if my lipstick is too whorish.
RORY: Nope, just whorish enough.
ANNA: Going out at eleven o'clock at night? I love college! [Giggles]
PARIS: I may suffocate her when I get back.
RORY: Hey, if you can catch her.
PARIS: Bye.
RORY: Good luck. [Paris leaves.] Good night, Anna.
ANNA: Good night.
[Yale: Rory and Anna are in a serious lecture.]
PROFESSOR: Which brings us to this question. Does Campbell’s work
successfully resolve the disparate stances of Jung and Freud when it comes
to the collective unconscious? ...
[Anna is leaning on her hand.]
RORY [whispers]: Hey, pay attention. Professor Bell is one of the foremost
philosophy professors in the country.
ANNA [whispers back]: Oh. Sorry.
STUDENT: ... archetypes bordering on metaphysical?
PROFESSOR [points at him]: All right. Let's call that close enough. [Anna is
dozing off again.] But now, Camel can point to the repetition of the hero
myth in culture after culture and say, "Hey Sigmund! Like it or not, here
are the same basic characters over and over" -
[Colin bursts into the classroom.]
COLIN: Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
PROF: I'm right in the middle of a class, young man.
COLIN: I know, I'm sorry. [He walks up to Rory.] Rory, you can't just walk
out like that. Not after everything we've been through.
[Rory looks baffled. Anna is now wide awake.]
COLIN: You just left. I was still in bed, I mean, what is that all about?
PROFESSOR: Okay, you need to do this later.
COLIN [points threateningly at the professor]: I can't do this later. Rory,
I love you. I love you, damn it. How many times do I have to tell you? God,
just talk to me!
PROFESSOR: Okay, out! Right now, just get -
LOGAN [entering]: Colin! What are you doing, man?
COLIN: Get the hell out of here!
LOGAN: She's with me now, I told you that. Let it go.
COLIN: I will not let it go!
LOGAN: She doesn't love you, Rory, tell him you don't love him!
[Rory is speechless, and looking more and more angry.]
COLIN: Everything was fine until you came along!
LOGAN: Don't blame me 'cause you couldn't keep her!
COLIN: I swear to God, I'm going to kill you.
LOGAN: Oh, I'd love to see you try.
[Colin jumps on Logan and they wrestle in front of the class. Logan throws
Colin over the professor's desk, then jumps over after him.]
PROFESSOR: Stop it! Stop it right now! Anthony, get security! Stop - break
it up! What are you - gentlemen! You are losing control! You are in a
classroom, stop it! [The professor glares at Rory, who is completely
horrified. Anna is fascinated.]
[Finn enters, wearing a British police officer’s uniform. He blows a
whistle. At this point it is apparent to everyone that it is a prank.]
FINN: All right, that's enough, break it up, you two! [He pulls Logan and
Colin to their feet by their collars.] Rory Gilmore, you should be ashamed
of yourself. Toying with these boys like this. They used to have pride. They
used to have dignity. They used to have balls. [He leads them out the door,
then stops.] Damn it Gilmore, give 'em back their balls!
[The class laughs and applauds. Logan, Colin and Finn reappear and bow. Rory
is visibly upset and embarrassed.]
[Lorelai's front yard. Piles of stuff are everywhere - on the porch, on the
steps and on the lawn. Lorelai and Sookie are dragging a potted tree toward
the garage.]
SOOKIE: God, this is a lot of junk.
LORELAI: I know.
SOOKIE: I mean, who has three Thigh Masters, besides Suzanne Somers.
LORELAI: Well, Mrs. Thompson, apparently.
SOOKIE: You'd think if she had three Thigh Masters she'd wear some slacks
once in a while. [Lorelai snickers] And, I'm sorry, why exactly did you have
to take all this crap?
LORELAI: It was the only way I could get her to give me the boat. Some guy
wanted it, and she got him to buy all her other crap, so if I wanted the
boat I had to take everything, and that's what I did.
[They set the tree in front of the garage, which holds Luke’s father’s boat.
It is too large for the garage, and it’s bow pokes out the door.]
LORELAI: I just have to hide it for a few days, then I'll move it.
SOOKIE: Where?
LORELAI: I don't know. Somewhere. The Inn! I'll put it in the old stable out
back.
SOOKIE: Are you ever going to tell Luke?
LORELAI: Yes!
SOOKIE [gasps]: Oh, when?
LORELAI: A week, a year - I haven't thought that far in advance. I just
couldn't let her get rid of his dad's boat! What if we hang the Thigh
Masters on it?
SOOKIE: Or get more trees!
LORELAI: Yeah, or get more trees!
SOOKIE: Jackson's got some trees at home.
LORELAI: Think I could borrow them?
SOOKIE: Sure! We'll just wait 'till he lies down for his nap and sneak them
right out of there.
LORELAI: Great. Then I'll hop a fence and get Richard Widmark to sign my
grapefruit.
[A Classroom at Yale. Tables are spaced around the room. Guys are sitting at
each table and girls, including a skeptical-looking Paris, are standing next
to the tables.]
WOMAN: I'd like to welcome you all to today's speed dating session. Many of
you have been with us before, many of you are first timers. So, for the
latter group, here are the rules. Each couple will have one minute to talk
and get a sense of the person across from them. When the bell rings, the
women will get up and switch tables. Men, stay where you are. This will
continue until every woman has met every man and after that, it's up to you.
Are we all ready? Then let the dating begin.
[Bell rings.]
JACK: I'm Jack.
PARIS: Paris.
JACK: Parents travel a lot?
PARIS: Why?
JACK: Your name is Paris.
PARIS: No. Did your parents change flat tires a lot?
JACK: What?
PARIS: Or plug the phone into the wall a lot?
JACK [looking defeated]: No.
PARIS: Great. So we've cleared up that mystery. What's next on your
fascinating list of talking points?
JACK: Uh - what's your major?
PARIS: Seriously? You've got one minute to make an impression and that's all
you can come up with? You want to know my sign, too, Jack? Or how about my
favorite color or if I'm a "Britney" or a "Christina"? Here, I'll ask you a
question. Was the last time you had an interesting thought when you
considered flinging yourself off a building?
[Bell rings.]
PARIS: Bye, Jack. I'll write mother immediately. [She moves to the next
table.] Paris, and no, my parents didn't travel.
BILLY: Billy, and I have no idea what that means.
PARIS: Never mind. So, what's your story, Billy?
BILLY: Well, I'm a drama major -
PARIS: Ding, ding, ding! [She gets up and goes to the next table, pushing
the girl in the seat out of the way.] Doyle!
DOYLE: Paris.
PARIS: I'm surprised to see you here.
DOYLE: I can say the same for you.
PARIS: So, you find any good prospects?
DOYLE: Oh, yes, one girl wants to have eleven children.
PARIS: Good God!
DOYLE: The second one was cut off quickly - thank you, by the way - I
believe the words "Latter-Day Saints" were about to come out of her mouth.
PARIS: I can't believe I came here.
DOYLE: It's my third time.
PARIS: You ever meet anyone you actually wanted to date?
DOYLE: My bar is so not that high.
PARIS [looking around]: I don't see one person in this room that shouldn't
be sterilized immediately.
DOYLE: Right there with ya.
PARIS: So, you've been reading about those skeletons they've been finding on
the island of Flores, right?
DOYLE: Oh yeah. I mean, they're only 13,000 years old. That's nothing, in
geological time.
PARIS: They made tools, and probably had a language, and -
[Bell rings. A busty girl is next in line for Doyle.]
PARIS: Keep moving, sister.
[She looks around, then goes to the next table.]
DOYLE: You know, they were supposed to be master hunters.
PARIS: Even though they were diminutive in size.
[Yale campus. Rory and Anna are walking outside.]
ANNA [excited]: And then, when that other guy came in in that outfit - how
great was that!
RORY: We also studied Dylan Thomas today. Why don't we talk about that for a
while?
ANNA: Yeah. [They enter Rory's dorm. Anna goes to the fridge and takes a Red
Bull.] That was cool, but when Logan and Colin started to fight, that was so
amazing. The teacher had nothing to say, nothing. He just stood there. Do
you think they'll get in trouble for that?
RORY [sighs]: Probably not.
ANNA: God, that's great! I mean, you can do anything in college. No rules,
no consequences -
RORY: Well, Anna, there are always consequences. You're getting the wrong
idea. College is not just a crazy, wild, sleep-deprived, hedonistic society.
[They are interrupted by Doyle, coming out of Paris' room wearing a short,
flowery robe. He stops short when he sees Rory and Anna.]
DOYLE: Oh. It wasn't the TV.
RORY [stunned]: No. It wasn't the TV.
DOYLE: This isn't what it looks like.
RORY: I hope not.
[Paris comes out wearing a pajama top, and also stops short when she sees
the girls.]
PARIS: I told you it wasn't the TV.
RORY: Hi, Paris.
PARIS: All right, fine. Doyle and I had sex.
[Anna is amazed.]
RORY: Okay, Anna, get your coat.
PARIS: We met at speed dating, and we considered having dinner first, but we
both knew where it was going to end up, so we figured we'd just cut to the
chase and save the calories.
RORY: Hurry up, Anna.
ANNA: Where are we going?
RORY: Dinner.
ANNA: It's only five.
PARIS: You have no right to be repulsed by my sex life.
[Anna laughs childishly as she closes the door.]
DOYLE: This is an exceptionally comfortable robe.
[Yale hallway.]
ANNA [gleeful]: Dinner whenever you want, random sex whenever you want, I
can't wait to go to college!
[Rory rolls her eyes, helplessly.]
[Yale cafeteria. Anna takes a bite of her meal.]
ANNA: Ice cream and cereal for dinner!
RORY: Yeah, yeah, yeah, college rocks.
[Logan approaches the table.]
LOGAN: Ladies!
ANNA: Hi, Logan!
LOGAN: How we doing this fine evening?
ANNA: We're doing great, you want to join us?
LOGAN: Sure. [He takes off his jacket and sits. Rory stares at the table.]
So, dull day, uh?
ANNA: Not for me.
LOGAN: Someone's quiet.
RORY: Got nothing to say.
LOGAN: Do you get the sense that she's mad at me?
ANNA: Yep.
RORY: Hey, Anna, why don't you head on over to the Fro-Yo social. You
remember where it is, right?
ANNA: Yeah, but I just had three scoops of ice cream.
RORY: Kid, you're in college now, okay? Now go get yourself some yogurt!
ANNA: Are you going to come, Logan?
LOGAN: Aw, I'm not sure how well I'll be walking here in a minute, Anna.
ANNA: Oh! Okay. Bye.
[She leaves. Rory glares at Logan.]
LOGAN: That's not a good look.
RORY: I have no words -
LOGAN: It was just a joke!
RORY: Oh, no, wait. I thought of some. Jerk! Ass, arrogant, inconsiderate,
mindless, frat-boy, low-life, butt-faced miscreant!
LOGAN: “Butt-faced miscreant”!
RORY: Why would you do something like that?
LOGAN: I'm sorry, “butt-faced miscreant”?
RORY: Here I am, trying to show Anna what college life is really like, and -
LOGAN: That is what college life is really like!
RORY: Maybe your college life. Not mine. That was my class, Logan. That was
my professor who decides my grades. And you made me look ridiculous to him.
LOGAN: No, I made me look ridiculous to him.
RORY: Oh, you don't think he thinks I was a part of it?
LOGAN: I'll talk to him. I'll tell him you were an innocent bystander.
RORY: The whole class was in a frenzy the entire time. We never got back to
what we were talking about.
LOGAN: There's another class next week!
RORY: Ugh. I know that classes and the paper and Yale in general mean
nothing to you, but it means something to me. Professor Bell's course is
only six weeks long, and you blew one of those weeks for me. I won't get
that week back.
LOGAN: Look, you want up close and personal time with Bell? My dad knows
him. He'll arrange -
RORY: Please stop talking.
LOGAN: I'm sorry you're so bent out of shape. I didn't mean to upset you.
RORY: Anna thinks that Yale is just a big joke.
LOGAN: If Anna thinks that Yale is a big joke after spending five minutes
with you, then she was always going to think that Yale's just a big joke.
Relax.
RORY: You and me? Very different people. I have to go.
LOGAN: To the Fro-Yo social.
RORY: Yes. I have to go to the Fro-Yo social. And yes, I do realize how
incredibly stupid that just sounded. Excuse me. [She leaves.]
[Rory's common room, Paris and Doyle are talking on the couch.]
PARIS: All I'm saying is, I just want a little information. Is this a
relationship? A one-night stand? The beginning of a series of late-night
booty calls? I think I have the right to know.
TERRENCE [on speakerphone]: I hear you. Doyle, do you hear her?
DOYLE: I do hear her, I just don't understand why we can't decide this
amongst ourselves.
TERRENCE [on speakerphone]: Because you can't, Doyle. Now, please tell Paris
how you feel.
DOYLE: Well, I feel that -
TERRENCE [on speakerphone]: Speak into the phone, Doyle, I can't hear you.
[Rory enters.]
RORY: Is Anna here?
PARIS: No, why?
RORY [flustered]: She didn't show up at the Fro-Yo social!
DOYLE: Geez, do you blame her?
RORY: I have to find her.
PARIS: Why, did you loan her money or something?
RORY: Just go back to what you were doing, please. [She pulls her phone out
of her pocket.] Hey, Marty? Um - I lost Anna. I don't know where. Um -
just.... Thanks. [To Paris.] If she comes back here, call me.
PARIS: Go ahead, Doyle. Tell him.
[Yale dorm hallway. Marty hurries down the stairs.]
MARTY: Any idea where she'd go?
RORY: No! She was supposed to meet me, I can't believe I let her go off by
herself.
MARTY: Well, we'll find her.
[Rory dials her phone again.]
RORY: Mom?
[Lorelai's house; she is getting ready for Patty's party.]
LORELAI: Hi!
RORY: Where would a sixteen-year-old girl go for a good time?
LORELAI: Oh, how sad you had to come to me for this conversation.
RORY: Mom -
LORELAI: You were sixteen a lot more recently than I was.
RORY: I lost Anna.
LORELAI: How did you lose Anna?
RORY [distressed]: She never showed at the Fro-Yo social!
LORELAI: Okay. Relax. Sixteen-year-old girl at college. You have to check
parties. Bars… and Chinese restaurants rarely card.
RORY: There's no Chinese restaurants around!
LORELAI: The pub, did you check the pub?
RORY: No. The pub, we have to check the pub. [To Marty] Parties and the pub.
LORELAI: Okay. Call me when you –
[She is interrupted by a disturbance on her front porch.]
LUKE [OS]: Ow!
LORELAI: Uh, I have to go, hon, call me when you find her.
RORY: Okay. Bye.
LORELAI: Bye. [She goes to the door. Luke leans against the railing, rubbing
his leg.] Oh my God, are you okay?
LUKE: I smashed my leg on a Thigh Master.
LORELAI: I'm so sorry.
LUKE: And then I tripped and smashed my other leg on another Thigh Master.
LORELAI [laughing]: I'm sorry.
LUKE: Why the hell do you have so many Thigh Masters?
LORELAI: I have a really bad thigh complex. Are you bleeding? Do you want to
come in?
LUKE: No, I'm fine, I just... You left your glasses at my house. [Hands them
to her.] I thought you might need them.
LORELAI: Thank you.
LUKE: I didn't think you'd be here, I thought you were going to Patty's.
LORELAI: I am. I was just leaving. But I don't have to go if you want to
come in.
LUKE: Naw, it's okay. I'm still going through my, uh, dark day. I'm going to
go.
LORELAI: Okay. Sorry about your foot.
LUKE: What's going on with your garage?
LORELAI: What?
LUKE: Your garage door looks all weird.
LORELAI: Oh, no, it's fine, its - jammed. Leave it.
LUKE: No, you can't leave it open like that, you could ruin all your stuff.
[He limps over to the garage.]
LORELAI [panicking]: No, no, no, that's okay - I have too much stuff anyhow,
so if some of it gets ruined, serves me right for being so darn
materialistic!
LUKE: What are all these trees doing here?
LORELAI [pushing him back]: No, no, no, just stop. Go back to your dark day.
[He starts to move the trees.] No, no, don't. There's clowns in there, and
puppies wearing costumes and they'll cheer you up and then your dark day
will be ruined -
[Luke recognizes the boat in the garage.]
LUKE [accusingly]: What is this?
LORELAI: It's your boat.
LUKE: I thought I told her to get rid of this boat.
LORELAI: She did. She sold it to me, along with all her other crap. She made
quite a killing, actually. I just couldn't stand the idea that you might -
someday - regret giving this boat away.
LUKE: Even though I said I wanted it gone.
LORELAI: Yes, I know, but you were upset.
LUKE: Oh, I was cranky. Now I'm upset.
LORELAI: Sorry. I just thought -
LUKE: You thought about you. You thought about you and how you'd feel. You
didn't think about me, or the fact that I said I wanted to get rid of this
damn boat. I mean, I said it, Lorelai. I said it, you heard it, and you
ignored it.
LORELAI: Because I didn't want you -
LUKE: You had no respect for what I wanted. This was my dad. This was his
boat and this decision was mine. This was not yours.
LORELAI [hurt]: I know.
LUKE: This is who I am. I don't want to hang on to things, or stare at
things.
LORELAI: Except my horoscope. Which was absolutely the wrong thing to bring
up right now. I'm sorry.
LUKE: I'm getting out of here.
LORELAI: No, I'm sorry. Please. Stay and yell at me.
LUKE: Why, what's the point? You don't listen to anything I say anyhow. [He
storms off. Lorelai is crushed, almost in tears.]
[Yale pub - outside. Rory rushes out, Marty follows her.]
RORY: She's nowhere.
MARTY: She's not nowhere.
RORY: This is all my fault.
MARTY: There's more bars, we'll find her.
RORY: God, I'm so stupid. If I didn't have to confront Logan like that I
wouldn't have had to send her off on her own and we wouldn't be looking for
her right now.
MARTY: We'll find her!
RORY: He's so frustrating, that guy. I mean, I don't know what I did to get
on his bad side, or why he just has to come after me.
MARTY [impatient]: Oh, stop it!
RORY: What?
MARTY: He's not coming after you. He likes you.
RORY: He does not.
MARTY: Oh, please, Rory.
RORY: Marty, he does not like me. I mean, look at what he did. Look at that
stunt he pulled. He totally humiliated me.
MARTY: Attention like that from people like Logan is like being tapped.
You've been anointed. You're in.
RORY: In what?
MARTY: In with him. With his group. He likes you. Stop being so naive, it's
annoying.
RORY: Marty -
[Her cell phone rings. She answers it.]
RORY: Hello?
HEADMASTER: Miss Gilmore, Headmaster Charleston here.
RORY: Oh. Hi, Headmaster Charleston. What's going on?
HEADMASTER: Well, not much, thank you for asking. I was just wondering how
things are going with Miss Fairchild.
RORY: Oh, Fine.
HEADMASTER: Yes?
RORY: Everything's great.
HEADMASTER: Wonderful! Then I can inform Anna's parents that the under-aged
girl the Yale campus police found when they broke up a rather raucous Yale
party is, in fact, not their daughter.
RORY: I'm sorry, Headmaster Charleston.
HEADMASTER: And what a help that is.
RORY: I tried. I just - I turned around for a moment. Did she tell you about
the bench? 'Cause I spent a lot of time -
HEADMASTER: I'm sorry, Miss Gilmore, I have to go. Some angry parents will
be here in a moment to talk to me. I appreciate the attempt. Good luck at
Yale.
RORY: Bye, Headmaster Charleston.
[She hangs up.]
RORY: The campus police got her. She came, she spent one day with me and she
got sent home by the police. I think I'm going to retroactively flunk high
school.
MARTY: At least she's safe, right?
RORY: Right. Crappy, crappy day. You want to take a cab? My treat.
[Marty opens the door for her.]
RORY: Thanks.
MARTY: I think I'm going to walk.
RORY: Marty -
MARTY: I'll - I'll see you tomorrow.
[He leaves her in the cab, confused.]
[Patty's dance studio: the party is in full swing. Lorelai is sniffing her
fingers.]
SOOKIE: What are you doing?
LORELAI: I smell like trees.
SOOKIE: You do? [sniffs Lorelai's, then her own fingers.] Hey! Me too!
LORELAI: Now we're the crazy pine scented ladies.
[Sookie giggles. Lorelai goes quiet.]
SOOKIE: How's your punch?
LORELAI: It's good.
SOOKIE: You okay?
LORELAI: Yeah, fine. Just fine.
MISS PATTY [on stage]: Thank you! Thank you, everyone! I'm honored that you
came here to help me celebrate forty wonderful years on the stage. It feels
so good to be here in front of an audience, and so close to a piano! [pause]
So close to a piano! [no reaction] Kirk!
[Kirk, absorbed in reading "Yoga for Dummies", missed his cue.]
KIRK: Sorry. [He closes the book.] Hey, Patty, why don't you do a little
something for us?
MISS PATTY: Well, if you insist. [To the piano player] Hit it.
[She bursts into a spirited rendition of "The Coffee Song", a classic Frank
Sinatra tune, complete with maracas. An old woman plays the piano while Kirk
taps a cowbell. The crowd enjoys the entertainment. Lorelai notices Luke
through the window. He seems to be waiting for her.]
LORELAI [to Sookie]: I'll be right back.
[Outside Miss Patty's. Lorelai closes the door.]
LORELAI: Hey.
LUKE: See, there's a reason why I stay away from people on this particular
day. It's 'cause I kind of suck.
LORELAI: Oh, Luke, I'm so sorry. I should have listened to you. I should
have stayed out of it. You were right, I didn't think. I mean, I didn't
think like you would think. I thought like I would think. And my thinking is
sometimes very, very wrong if you're not me, and occasionally if you are me
-
[Luke kisses her.]
LUKE: You just keep thinking like you'd think.
LORELAI: I can do that. Do you want to come in? You get drunk just standing
next to the punch bowl.
LUKE: No, I'm still kinda...
LORELAI: I get it.
LUKE: I just didn't want us to -
LORELAI: We're not.
LUKE: You go have a good time.
LORELAI: See you tomorrow.
LUKE: Yeah, see you tomorrow. [They kiss again. Lorelai watches him walk
away.]
[Lorelai's garage. Luke moves the rest of the trees out of the way and goes
inside. He turns on the light and grips the side of the unfinished boat as
he looks it over, remembering his father.]
[Yale campus: Courtyard. Richard approaches Logan, Colin and Finn]
RICHARD: Logan!
LOGAN: Huh? Richard! [Stands up to shake his hand.] Wow, this is a pleasant
surprise! Finn, Colin, you know Richard, don't you?
RICHARD [shakes hands all around]: Well, hello, boys. Nice to see you.
Logan, I wanted to talk to you. I just heard about the incident.
LOGAN: The - ?
RICHARD: I heard that you professed your feelings for Rory.
LOGAN [stunned]: Wha - ?
RICHARD: Mr. Bell is a very dear friend of mine, as is the Dean of
admissions. Well, you know in this place, news travels fast -
LOGAN: Yeah, look -
RICHARD: I have to tell you that, while I understand what could have driven
you to such a public display of affection, there is an appropriate time and
place for that sort of thing. And a classroom in the middle of class is not
one of them.
LOGAN: No, I know, I -
RICHARD: However, what's done is done. It's out. So I dropped by to tell you
that I have spoken to your father.
LOGAN: My father?
[Finn and Colin look at each other nervously.]
RICHARD: We pounded out a few things. Property agreements, pre-nups, that
sort of thing.
LOGAN: Okay, I think that there's been -
RICHARD: Oh, we came to a very fair agreement. I'm sure you'll be pleased.
Now, we're setting up a dinner next week to finalize the engagement and
start talking about the ceremony. [Logan looks horrified.] Emily is handling
all the newspaper announcements, so, not to worry. That's all taken care of.
LOGAN: But -
RICHARD: She is a fine young lady, Logan. I want her to be happy. You'll
take care of that, I assume. All right, I'll let you get back to your coffee
break. Nice seeing all of you again. [Colin and Finn lift their cups at
Richard.] And Logan, welcome to the family, son.
[He leaves Logan completely baffled, and walks away. He thumbs his nose in
Rory's direction. Rory has seen it all, out of sight of the boys. She
signals back. They meet up a few minutes later in a different hall, laughing
over their victory.]
RICHARD: I do hope one of his dopey looking friends knows CPR, or he just
might not make it.
RORY: You're the best, Grandpa!
RICHARD: All right, who's next? Paris giving you any trouble?
RORY: Not anymore than usual. [They walk down the hall together.] However,
there is a girl in my modern poetry class who keeps kicking my chair.
RICHARD [Chuckling]: Ah, I do love this place.
RORY: Right back at you, Grandpa.
--- END ---
